April 15th Is Not Just Tax Day

April 15, 2006 was an important day for me.

It was my due date for my second baby, one due a mere fourteen months after my first child had arrived.

April 15, 2006 was Tax Day, of course, but it was also the day before Easter that year. Easter Eve.

On April 15, 2006, I should have been having a baby. Or about to have a baby. Or taking care of a brand newborn baby.

I was not.

Instead, I had been home from the hospital for just about a week. I had come home with my second baby, a girl, who was, by then, nearing four months old.


My Easter Eve baby had arrived on Christmas Eve.

April 15th is never just Tax Day to me.

linked to Finer Things Friday

When Your Child Isn't "Typical"

This little one- my C.- is kind of crazy. She's stubborn and silly and sometimes, quite honestly, maddening. There are times she acts helpless and whiny and that is like nails on a chalkboard to me. And, so, sometimes I forget...

She is tough.

She just doesn't have to prove it everyday like she did back in her NICU days. Thank God for that.

Today, I took her to see the ENT. The tubes she had placed in her ears in April of 2008 were still there. They weren't functioning, mind you, but they weren't making their way out of her ear canals either. Her canals are just so very narrow.

We've been going back every three months just to hear the same thing, "They're still in there. I don't think I can get them out. She won't like it. See you in three months."

Today I asked if he (the doctor) was willing to try. He agreed, making sure I didn't get my hopes up.

Two minutes later, the tubes were out. C. never flinched.

"I have to tell you, Mrs. S., this is highly unusual. To remove objects that far in the ear with children this age, we typically have to go to the OR.'

C's not typical.

Thank God for that, too.

(Thanks so much to my Twitter tribe who prayed this morning... we are so grateful to have avoided going into surgery! C's history with anesthesia isn't great...)

"I Had to Separate Your Children"

They are not words I looked forward to hearing. I expected a child of mine to be older before a teacher broke the news to me:

"We had to separate your child from her peer."

I figured, eventually, maybe one of them would get in a fight. Or be bullied. Perhaps a child of mine might be too chatty or pass notes. Maybe he or she would giggle too much with a good buddy. Or they'd conspire to throw spitballs. Who knew? But it wouldn't have surprised me to learn that someday, eventually, my child would have to separated from another.

I didn't expect it to happen when she was five.

But, alas, at parent teacher conferences, we were given the news. Our little C had to be separated from her good buddy Jay.

The speech therapist is actually the one who had to do it.

Why, you might ask? Were they naughty? Were they disruptive? Did they, *gasp*, cheat?

No.

They had to separate them because...

"Jay is too nurturing to C. They've been together a long time and he just can't help but try to take care of and protect her. But she CAN do these things on her own and I want to see her have those opportunities."

Yep, our little girl can't sit by her friend because he looks out for her too much. It's really kind of precious, isn't it? You may recall that, back around her birthday, I described C. this way:

" The best way I can describe her is that she's the kind of girl that people instinctively want to look out for, to take care of..."

It is completely true. Tiny-featured, high-voiced, delicate-boned C... wherever we go, people are happy to help her.

As an infant and toddler, she wanted nothing to do with this help. Feisty and independent, she wanted to take on any and all challenges all on her own. Now? She doesn't really seem to mind taking a helping hand and, well, being doted upon.

It all makes me wonder how she'll feel when she's older. When my little girl reaches her full size (currently predicted at 5'1" and 102 lb), will she fight to stand on her own two feet or be grateful for all those willing to cherish and protect her? Will she find a happy medium?

I watch my little girl who dreams of being a princess (Correction: She actually insists she already IS a princess.) and I wonder what her future holds...

I hope there are always those who want to protect her. I hope she is always so treasured and enjoyed. Most of all, I hope she is happy and loved.

The Peril of Having a Cute Baby

"Oh, aren't YOU just the cutest thing in the world???"

"I just want to take that little one home with me!"

"Aw, just look at that adorable little girl!"

"She is the most precious thing..."

They hear it all the time. The one everyone's talking about? Yeah, she doesn't much notice, though she usually offers a sweet, big-eyed smile. Her siblings? They hear every word. And, so, yesterday, at CVS...

"Oh, I think you're the cutest little angel I've ever seen!" from a young lady working there.

Her significantly older co-worker amended, "Oh, I see cute times three right there!"

The first lady stammered, "Oh, well, of course, yes, all three are so cute!"

My oldest, my son, spoke up:

"G. is a cutie pie!"

Both salesladies assured him that they're all darling.

He continued, "But G's so cute! She's the cutest! Everyone says so." And with that, he walked off, innocent smile still in place.

Ouch.

That's what they hear. All. The. Time.

G. IS cute. She looked like the Gerber baby when she was younger and still has ridiculously long-lashed, giant blue eyes. She's a charismatic little flirt and charms men and women, young and old.

BUT...

My two older children aren't chopped liver. And, while I KNOW that babies and precocious toddlers can be appealing little magnets, we can't forget their older (and more aware, I might add) sibs.

I'm working hard to make sure they know how wonderful (and adorable and lovable and clever and...) they are. And I promise, should I ever meet you in real life, to never leave your older children out.

A Micropreemie's Five-Year Old Well-Child Visit

C. is five now.

Five.

I watch this little skinny-mini who adores all things pink and princess and remember when I wondered if she'd ever be able to see, let alone distinguish colors.

I listen to her thunder across the floor with utterly graceless dance steps and recall the developmental pediatricians' cautioning words, "She may never walk..."

I hear her belt out, "Allelujah... allelujah... thanks to the frizzen Lord!" and I step back in time to the weeks upon weeks that I never heard her voice or cry.

My little girl. Truly, little. She still only falls in the 10th percentile for height. Weighing in just under 34 pounds fully-dressed, she's in the 3rd percentile for girls her age. Delicate-boned with a tiny little face, she comes across as even more fragile than she is. The best way I can describe her is that she's the kind of girl that people instinctively want to look out for, to take care of...

My little sprite.

Low muscle tone. Some unclear speech patterns. Severe vision impairment.

These words are all scrawled across the paperwork I will need for when she enters kindergarten next year.

I imagine they would cause some parents great distress.

They don't even faze me...

Dance on, my miraculous princess, and sing your shouts of joy.

Allelujah, indeed.

Prematurity Has No Prejudice

My name is JessieLeigh.

I was raised in a comfortable, upper middle-class home.

I have a college degree.

I am happily married.

I have always been healthy.

I do not use drugs, drink heavily, or participate in "risky" behaviors.

I sought prenatal care at the start of my pregnancies.

My blood pressure, sugar levels, and weight have never wavered.

I gave birth at barely 24 weeks gestation.

Prematurity can affect anyone. It has no prejudice. And its consequences can be devastating. I am one of the lucky ones... my little girl's story is one of great triumph. Still, that came with a world of worry and challenges.

No one knows the reason I went into labor at only 23 weeks gestation. No one could ever find a single cause for C's prematurity. I was blessed to have a full-term birth prior to that one and even more blessed to have had one since. But my life will forever be changed and touched by the premature baby I brought into the world...

Today I'm joining forces with other bloggers to Fight for Preemies. Won't you please take just a couple minutes and visit the March of Dimes website? There is a wealth of information there... from what causes premature birth to statistical rates to how your state ranks to how you can help.

Today, November 17, bloggers unite to Fight for Preemies. Won't you join us?

(In an ironic twist, today is also my sister's- a preemie herself!- birthday... Happy Birthday, JB!)

Standing up and fighting for these precious, tiny lives works for me.

Feisty

"She's a feisty one," they told us in the NICU. "That's good news. The feisty ones do better- we love a good fighter. Of course... just remember that you're the ones who are going to have to live with her."

How right they were.

I attended my almost 5 year old's annual review at the school last Thursday.

"Sweet", "friendly", "social", "loving", and "enthusiastic" were all used to describe my girl. Oh, and a few more things...

"Fiercely independent", "stubborn", "refuses help from others"...

Oh yeah.

And "feisty".

The trait that doctors say contributed to my daughter's amazing triumphs is also the one that teachers and therapists say makes it tough to help her progress.

But, at the end of the day...

Dear Lord, we are so glad we have to "live with her". We are so undeservedly blessed.

Three Things I Could Not Have Lived Without After Giving Birth at 24 Weeks

Let me be very clear, first of all... this is not an exhaustive list. Nor is it a list of the things that TRULY got me through those early days- things like prayer, support, education, lodging near my baby, etc. No, this is a list of three things that I wouldn't necessarily have known I would need... but it turned out that I did:

1. Vicodin. Maybe it seems kind of silly for me to list a narcotic here, but I'm being very truthful. I do NOT have a low pain threshold. I do NOT take medication for every (or even most) ache(s) or pain(s). The side-effects of most drugs bother me far more than the symptoms I must endure. I declined medication over and over and over again following my son's birth. But after my classic c-section with C? I embraced the Vicodin. The simple fact is that I would not have been able to walk the many blocks and endless corridors that I was required to in order to see my daughter without that medication. Trust me. I tried it on just ibuprofen one night and collapsed in a hallway. And so... Vicodin makes my list.
2. Maternity pants. Don't throw things at me, but I never needed maternity pants after my son was born. No, I couldn't hop right back into my "skinny jeans", but I was absolutely back in normal clothing just as soon as I got home. With C. being born four months early and given the fact that I carry my babies small, I never wore maternity pants during that pregnancy. It's true. But, ooh boy, did I ever need them after that classic c-section. Sore and swollen with a tender incision across my lower abdomen, maternity pants were the only thing I could wear comfortably. I suppose dresses would have worked, but then I would have had the inconvenience of trying to pump every couple hours in them...
3. My cell phone. Maybe this seems comical to some of you who couldn't live without your phones under the best of circumstances, but, me? I made it many, many years without one while the rest of the world became more and more dependent on the suckers. I never had any reason to feel like people should be able to reach me "anytime, anywhere". I didn't even LIKE that idea. Once I had a baby in the NICU? I was ever-so-grateful that the nurses could summon me at a moment's notice, that the pediatric ophthalmologist could reach me right away with bad news, and that I had a way to stay in touch when we found ourselves, very suddenly, transferred to Chicago for surgery. (By the way, I do like having a cell phone still, but- pssst- I've still never sent nor received a text message. ;))

If anyone had told me five years ago that someday I'd sing the praises of narcotics, cell phones, and wearing maternity pants while not pregnant, I would have called them crazy. But, well, I've been through a lot in five years... and I've learned a lot along the way.

Have you ever ended up really needing something that you never would have foreseen?

Three Things You Should Know About Preemie Dads

When babies arrive way too early, the focus is, of course, on the baby. As well it should be. But, after the new arrival, most of the concern seems to fall on the mommies. There are a lot of good reasons for this, most notably the fact that Mommy has gone through birth, often under traumatic circumstances. Add to that the fact that the mother's health may have been in very real jeopardy and it makes even more sense. Still, I want you to remember that...

Having a preemie is hard on Dad too. Here are three very specific reasons why:

1. Rare is the dad who gets abundant paternity leave. Oftentimes (as with my hubby), these fathers need to go back to work within days of their preemie's unexpected early arrival. It is heart-wrenching for them to have to leave their babies (and wives, in some cases) still hospitalized but, especially if they are the primary bread-winners, there often isn't a choice.
2. Not only are preemie dads dealing with the same responsibilities at work as before the birth, they are often shouldering MORE responsibilities on the homefront. If Mom had a c-section or health struggles, she is often not in good enough shape to take care of her "usual" tasks, from childcare to housekeeping. Who ends up bearing that burden? Often- Dad.
3. Dads are expected to be tough. While society accepts and comforts mothers who dissolve into teary, blubbering messes, the same cannot be said for fathers. No matter how "equal" we try to make the genders, they are not. And society's expectations of dads are very different from those of moms. While their emotions are riding the same wild roller coaster on the inside, Dads often feel the need to remain stoic, to always be the "strong one". This is an incredible responsibility and can definitely take its toll.

So, the next time you're talking to the father of a preemie, think about how hard it is for him too. Acknowledge that. Just saying, "This must be really hard on you... let me know if I can help" can go a long way.

Three Bible Verses to Reflect On In Times of Struggle

This week's "Three Things Thursday" is short and sweet... but oh-so-important. Here are just three (of many!) Bible verses to reflect on and seek comfort from when your baby arrives way too early...

1. Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer
2. Jeremiah 17:7 But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
3. Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

What verses bring you comfort during times of struggle?

The Metric System

One thing you might not know about me is that I'm very handy with the metric system. Not only do I have a pretty good "mental image" of just how big a centimeter, liter, or meter is, I am also pretty quick at converting into our more usual English system. Maybe this seems like a useless skill to you, but I can tell with absolute honesty that it was a wonderful ability to possess when my micropreemie daughter was in the NICU... all the measurements there- from weight to length to how much she was eating- were logged in the metric system. I was one of the few parents who didn't always have to scramble to the conversion charts on the wall. Want to feel a little more competent with the metric system? Here are a few things to learn:

1. First of all, over 95% of the world uses the metric system. We are the exception here, not the rule. Much like a second language, it's definitely not a bad thing to learn. Ignorance is NOT bliss, in my opinion...
2. The metric system is all a system of 10s... everything is based off this. To move to smaller or larger units of measure, you are always multiplying or dividing by 10, 100, or 1000. This is far simpler than our English method of 12 (inches in a foot), 3 (feet in a yard), 4 (quarts in a gallon), 5,280 -what in the world???- (feet in a mile), etc...
3. There are approximately 1.6 kilometers in a mile. Incidentally, we seem to like to use kilometers in this country, at least for our races. I guess "5k" sounds more impressive than "3.1 miles". ;)
4. There are 2.54 centimeters in an inch. If you can just remember that, you can convert most "non distance" measurement quite easily!
5. The next one easy for me to remember is this: There are 454 grams in a pound. (I think I remember those two "54s" together...) My micropreemie weighed 620 grams at birth. It was important to keep track of her weight in grams because it was a much more precise system for tracking weight loss and gain. In a full-term infant, ounces are sufficient. Not so for these teeny tiny ones.
6. A liter and a quart are very, very close in size. No, that is not precise. But it'll get you by in the real world. It is rare that it will make a huge difference to interchange those two units of measure. (If you're a real perfectionist, 1 liter = 1.05 quarts.)
7. Here's my favorite metric conversion to learn. I call it the "rule of 30". It goes like this. One ounce (whether liquid or weight measure) equals 30. Thirty what, you may wonder? Well that depends. One ounce (in weight) equals 30 grams. One ounce of liquid equals 30 grams, 30 mL (milliliters) , or 30 cc (cubic centimeters). When my tiny baby first started eating breast milk, she received 2 cc at each feeding. That's only 1/15th of an ounce. Or, if that's too hard to visualize...
8. There are 5 cc (or 5 mL) in a teaspoon. Thus, my little girl was getting just under a half teaspoon at each feeding. (Believe it or not, I always ask the doctor or pharmacist for my children's prescriptions in cc's instead of teaspoons... I find it easier to be accurate!)
9. A speed limit of 55 mph is roughly equal to 85 kilometers per hour. If you can remember that one, you'll have a decent idea whether or not you're speeding when traveling in any of the 95% of the world that uses the metric system!
10. That's all I've got... what questions do you have about the metric system? Do you like it? Use it? Feel comfortable with it? Let me know!

This post is linked up to Top Ten {Tuesday}

Three Things You Should Know About Growth Curves

When you go in for a well-child appointment, one of the most anticipated little bits of news is your child's current height and weight and where they fall "on the curve" or "on the chart". But, really, how much does this matter? Here are a few things to keep in mind while digesting that latest bit of information from your doctor...

1. What matters most is consistency. While we parents of tiny preemies spend a lot of time in the early days just trying to get our babies ON the chart, the vast majority of children naturally fall somewhere between the 3rd and 97th percentiles. Babies in the 95th percentile are not necessarily any healthier than those in the 5th, nor are they necessarily overweight or obese. What doctors do not want to see is a baby who has consistently been in the 70th percentile suddenly plummet to the 30th or a baby who has always been in the 50th percentile jump up to the 85th.
2. Height and weight do not need to fall in the same percentile. Babies are little humans and, as such, they have unique little bodies. There is a very wide range of normal- and healthy. My former micropreemie has, ever since she got ON the charts, fallen in the 3rd percentile for weight and just over the 25th for height. And that's fine. I have a niece who was, consistently, in the 85th percentile for height and 10th percentile for weight. That's just her normal. As long as she "stays the course", there's not likely much need for concern.
3. It is the doctor's job to question and analyze significant changes. Try not to be offended if your pediatrician asks you questions about your child's diet or activity level. Take it in stride if you're asked to come back in a month or two for a follow-up check. The doctor isn't insinuating you're a bad parent- he's trying to make sure there's not a bigger reason for concern (like a metabolic issue, hormonal imbalance, or disease). If there ARE changes that need to be made in your child's diet or activity level, just consider yourself lucky that it's such an easy fix!

I am raising children who are all over the map, size-wise. My son is in the 90th percentile for weight and, because of that, I think of him as "big". In reality, he's just tall. His height is way over the 97th percentile. Those charts can mess with your head sometimes! I'm guilty of being eager to hear the news each time I go in... but I'm lucky to have had enough smart doctors that I don't fixate on it.

How about you? Do you look forward to or dread those details? Or do you just not care? Have you ever had any worries about your child's growth?

Three Things You Should Know About Early Preemie Screenings

You've all heard of the Apgar, right? It's a tool used to get an early gauge as to how a baby is doing. They also test for a number of rare conditions through a blood sample. These are all just standard early screenings done to help monitor your baby's condition.

Early preemies have these too. But they also have a few more. Here are three of them:

1. Blood Gases- Ask any preemie parent and they'll be all too familiar with these. Breathing is one of the first major challenges for these tiny babies. In almost all cases, micropreemies spend many of their early days on ventilators. In order to make sure they are being given the right levels, blood is drawn (usually from the heel) at set intervals (ranging from hourly to every 6 hours, typically) and the "gas levels" are checked. From these results, the doctors and nurses can decide if the ventilator settings need to be adjusted. When it goes well, this is a quick, fairly painless process. When it doesn't? Well, let me just say that watching a nurse stick your baby's bruised-up heel over and over again is not for the faint of heart. I'm guessing it's not fun for the nurse either...
2. Head Ultrasounds- Brain bleeds are a major concern for babies born way too early. Most hospitals do weekly ultrasounds to monitor for intracranial (or intraventricular) hemorrhaging. These are painless for the babies, but stressful for the parents. It is not uncommon for a small bleed to be spotted and subsequently resolve itself. Unfortunately, it is also not uncommon for a bleed to worsen and require treatment.
3. Eye Exams- Micropreemies are very susceptible to ROP or retinopathy of prematurity. There are varying grades of this (our daughter had a very severe case that required transport and retinal surgery) and it needs to be monitored on a weekly (or, in rare cases, more frequent) basis. The eye doctors will assure you that this exam is not really painful, but it is horrible to watch. This is mainly because of the device they use to keep your tiny baby's eye pried open. The ophthalmologist in our NICU wisely advised me to stay near, but not watch. I was given no such warning in Chicago... *shudder*

Preemie parents, what regular screening tests do you remember seeing your preemie go through?

Three Ways A Preemie Parent Is Just Like You

There are lots of ways in which preemie parents differ from "full-term" parents. Our journey is just so vastly different... the fact that we know we have months before we might possibly bring our babies home is only part of it. Nonetheless, there are lots of things we have in common too! Here are three of them:

1. We are proud of our newborn babies. You'd be surprised how shocking this seems to be to some people. Sadly enough, we parents of very early babies sometimes receive sympathy cards instead of congratulations cards. People focus on the obvious disappointment in the earliness of the birth and forget about the joy of having a baby. But know this- we are proud. And joyful.
2. We are exhausted. Full-term parents lose a ton of sleep as they get up multiple times throughout the night caring for their newborns. We preemie parents lose sleep as we get up to pump, call the NICU, or sit by our struggling babies' bedsides. We, too, are super tired, even though there is not yet a baby in our bedroom or home nursery...
3. We think our babies are beautiful... even if they aren't. I'm sorry, but it's the simple truth. Some babies are cuter (or prettier or more even-featured or whatever) than others. Some preemie babies can be compared to wrinkly little old men. Still. When you look into the face of your precious newborn child, the love clouds anything else and that baby is gorgeous.

There are innumerable other things we all have in common... there is more that connects us than divides us, to be sure.

If you're a preemie parent, what do you wish full-term parents knew you shared with them?

And for all of you... what three things can you teach me this week? I'm so eager to read what you share! It can be on any topic at all. If you have three related tid-bits to share, I want to hear about it!

Ten Ridiculously Easy Ways to Delight Your Children This Week

We all want to delight our children... right? But, well, sometimes I see ideas for crafts that, while darling and impressive, just seem overwhelming for where I'm at on that particular day. And sometimes I read about amazing adventures people design for their children and I think, "Wow! What an awesome mom!" but... do I do it? Not usually. Does that mean I can't be a rockstar in my kids' eyes? No way! I don't have to spend a dime... or even a lot of time. Here are ten EASY ways to delight your children. Want to join me in keeping it simple and special?

1. Cut their sandwiches in triangles. Yes, you could earn bonus points for using cookie cutters but- really- these are super simple ideas I'm offering up for today!
2. Wake them up with a song. I love the first verse of "Good Morning, Beautiful"- true, it's a love song. But that verse works perfectly! Seems cheesy, I know... but it's such a happy way to be greeted.
3. Let them wear their favorite colors. I'm actually just not laid-back enough to give my children carte blanche when it comes to choosing their own garments... I'm not willing to permit things that are inappropriate for the weather! But can I make sure C. gets a pink shirt? Yes. I sure can. And that makes her day.
4. Draw a smiley on their food. You can use about anything for this- ketchup, raisins, chocolate chips, jelly... whatever fits with what you're serving!
5. Leave a random note laying around that says "____ is a super star!" I do this occasionally and it always makes that child's day... so simple!
6. Serve dessert after lunch.
7. Ask them for help. Sincerely. As in, "I really could use some help making this grilled cheese sandwich... would you mind helping me?"
8. Thank them- sincerely- after they've helped you. Yes, I know. It would have been easier- and cleaner- to have done it by yourself. Nonetheless. Show real gratitude.
9. Give them each a new responsibility- not necessarily a "chore", mind you. At least, not in so many words. Make your daughter the "Queen of the Cushions" who is responsible for making sure the couch pillows are where they belong each evening. Make your son "Sir Recycler" and have him put the cans and what-not in the bin for you. Be sure to use their proper names.
10. Go for a walk. I don't care if you walk ONE BLOCK. Go outside and walk with them. It is so good for all of you.

I'm committing to doing two of these things each day for the rest of the week... it's going to be easy-peasy. Care to join me?

Image Source

This post is linked to Top Ten {Tuesday}.

3 Ways to NICU-Proof Your Marriage

You know those people who think that having a baby will somehow strengthen or mend a struggling or broken marriage? Anyone who has actually HAD a baby knows that isn't true. Babies are a wonderful, to be sure, but they can also add stress to even a happy, strong, stable marriage.

Considering the fact that, in the best of circumstances, having a baby can lead to exhaustion and frustration, it should come as no surprise that having a baby in the NICU can stress a marriage immensely, sometimes seemingly irreparably.

I don't want to minimize how devastating having an ill, struggling child can be. There is no way to fully prevent it from having an impact on your relationship. Often, it feels like your marriage seems stronger for awhile- as you bond together and fight as hard as you can- only to feel like it's falling apart as the long days of struggle take their toll...

We went into our NICU experience with a strong marriage. We had been through lots of tough things before- illness, moving, loss of a parent, the birth of a full-term child... all within that past year. Still, it challenged us.

Nonetheless, we are NOT among the nearly NINETY-PERCENT of long-term NICU parents (those with a baby in the NICU for more than 60 days) who end up separated or divorced. I'd like to share with you three ways we helped avoid that pitfall:

1. We ate dinner together. Every day. As a family. Our days were wild and crazy. My husband was working long hours, I was caring for an 11-month old and calling the NICU every hour or so. We sometimes didn't know if we were coming or going. But we knew we'd be eating supper together. That constancy was critical for our marriage and, I believe, in providing consistency for our other child.
2. We prayed together. Have I mentioned before that my husband and I are not of the same faith? Or that he is not "as religious" as me, in his own terms? Yep, it's true. Still, we came together for our baby girl. Even when my only prayer was "Please, God!" or when the only words I could pull together were those to say the rosary... we prayed together.
3. I kept him in the loop. I was the one who made most of the calls or visits to the NICU during the day. I got all the updates. I called him- each and every time, even if nothing had really changed. That was important. He was ALWAYS the first person I told any news... even if my mom or mother-in-law happened to catch me on the phone before I could reach him. I waited for him. That was critical to maintaining marital unity and making him a priority.

Even with all this, I will be honest and tell you that there are times our marriage took a beating. We never entertained thoughts of divorce or separation, but there were evenings when we barely spoke... difficult when you're all living in one small room. But that's how it was. That's the truth.

But the next day, when I got my NICU update, do you know who I'd call?

My husband. My partner. The one person who was suffering just like me.

We successfully NICU-proofed our marriage.

How about you? Did you and your spouse ever feel the strain a NICU experience can cause? What tips do you have to help keep the union strong?

"I Have Eyes!!!"

Those were my four-year old daughter's first words when she saw herself in the mirror wearing contact lenses.

You see, C. had always grouped us into two categories: she and Daddy had glasses while her brother, baby sister, and I had "eyes". It did not matter how many times I tried to explain that they had eyes too- under their glasses- she insisted that those were the correct terms.

C. has had glasses since she was 10 months old. She is so outrageously near-sighted, it is hard to explain to anyone... well, except for the parents of other very near-sighted preemies. They get it. But, really, suffice it to say this... I am VERY near-sighted. I would not attempt to go check my mailbox without some kind of vision correction going on. Her prescription is more than double mine. After three eye surgeries- one of which involved a transfer to a whole different state- we consider ourselves blessed that her vision is correctable. In the world of 24-weekers, our little girl is remarkably fortunate to suffer very few consequences of such an early birth. But she has always worn- and very much needed- glasses.

Yesterday, she got eyes.

The pediatric ophthalmologist tested her vision and grew increasingly more excited. She checked the fit of the custom lenses and it was perfect. She walked us into the hallway and C. looked up, way across, to a shelf far, far on the other side of the room...

"There's a rooster!" she exclaimed.

The doctor's eyes filled with tears.

A whole new world has opened up for my little girl. It's a little scary... I mean, she's awfully young to be wearing contacts. But, as she pointed out a little blue jay in a tree high above us as we waited for the bus... as she actually noticed the rosemary sprinkled throughout her pasta... as she admired the princess decals on her window just before drifting off to sleep... I knew.

My sweet daughter is seeing things she's never seen before.

And that is a finer thing, to be sure.

Three Things You Should Know About Young Children and Contacts

My four-year old got contact lenses today. Yes, you read that correctly. I hope to tell you more about that tomorrow (and share pictures!) In the meantime, here are three things you may or may not know about contact lenses, particularly with respect to children:

1. Babies can wear contacts. Our pediatric ophthalmologist's youngest contact lens-wearing patient is 2 weeks old... or, at least, WAS 2 weeks old when he first got lenses. Some doctors, in fact, prefer contacts over glasses for their very youngest patients. In our case, the doctor recommended that our daughter try contacts somewhere between 4 and 6 years of age. She'll be 5 in December.
2. Contact lenses provide superior peripheral vision. This becomes more and more important as children take on increasingly difficult gross motor challenges. In our little girl's case, we realized that she was struggling to make more progress in physical therapy... and her vision was the main culprit. This was a huge motivating factor for me in saying, "Okay, let's give lenses a shot."
3. Contact lenses don't "minimize" things in the visual field the way glasses do. You may have to be very near-sighted to know this but, if you are, you know what I'm saying-- with glasses on, small print becomes even smaller. Part of how glasses correct vision is to "sharpen" the image. This results in the shrinking of whatever you're looking at. For an extremely near-sighted child, this can make reading, coloring, and doing puzzles exceedingly difficult. Contacts do not have the same effect. The result? Our daughter doesn't try to look over or under her glasses with her face pressed on the page...

So there it is... just a few things I've learned about young children and contact lenses. Anything else you would like to know? Would you ever consider contacts for your child?

(Because of how late this post is going up- so sorry!- I've elected not to bother with a linky this week. Really, no one links up most weeks anyhow. :) Nevertheless, it will be back next week!)

Foods for Teethers

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My baby is 15 months old now and she eats anything and everything. We delayed "solids" until 6 months, choosing to let her happily grow exclusively on breast milk. When we did introduce them? We skipped jarred baby food entirely and opted for mashing and pureeing things at home. Not only that, by eight months she was eating "regular" food-- no pureeing required.

Here are ten of my favorite early table foods for "teethers"... by teethers, I'm referring to those babies who are just getting swollen gums (often a month or more before a pearly white appears!) to those who have several chompers already in place:

1. Frozen Peas- straight out of the bag, as is. Peas are sweet and mild and too small to pose a choking risk. (This is a good time to mention that "choking" and "gagging" are two different things- just sayin'.)
2. Frozen Blueberries- These make for messy faces, but blueberries are SO good for all of us, babies included! Some of the larger ones might make you nervous at first- feel free to halve or quarter them.
3. Banana "Sticks"- Rather than slippery little slices, I cut bananas lengthwise into several "sticks". Babies can easily hold them and take bites.
4. Cheerios- A list would not be complete without them! Cheerios are an easy, safe choice.
5. Diced Low-Sodium Ham or Turkey Breast- I ask for one 1/4" thick slice from the deli and cut it into small cubes. These meats are easy to chew. Ham has a naturally sweet flavor to it that appeals to many babies!
6. Diced Avocado- Another nutritional power-house! Jam-packed with healthy fats, avocado is mild and creamy. The mashed version is a perfect "first solid"- the diced version can be introduced soon there-after!
7. String-Cheese "Quarters"- At this point, I just slice the string cheese into disks and call it good but, when starting out, halve or quarter the tube before chopping. Mozzarella is a mild, easy-to-digest cheese!
8. Sweet Potato "Fries"- Cut sweet potatoes into strips, toss with a little butter or oil, and bake. You want the baby variety to be on the soft side and not have those yummy crispy edges we tend to like as adults. These are easy for baby to hold and bite and, again, are a nice transition from pureed sweet taters. They are also a much healthier "fry" to introduce than, say, the McDonald's variety...
9. Ditallini pasta- This is the small, short, tube-shaped pasta... perfect for little fingers to grasp and it saves you "chopping" time.
10. "Puffs"- This is my one concession to the "baby food companies". Especially for first-time parents, puffs can be a convenient, safe choice. Because they dissolve so quickly, the fear of choking (or even gagging) is greatly alleviated. You do NOT need them. Your baby will do just fine without them, but they are a convenient early finger food. For me? This baby is my third. I bought one container of puffs. She ate them. I refilled the empty container with Cheerios. ;) And so it goes...

Babies do NOT need teeth to enjoy table foods! There is such a wide range of when that first tooth pops through... some babies get it at 3 months, some at 13. Both are healthy, normal children. Don't let the baby food companies convince you that you need to buy endless jars and packages of baby and toddler food. Your pantry, freezer, and fridge can provide healthy, appropriate, fun foods for your emerging table food nosher.

What are some of your favorite first foods for teethers?

This post is linked to:

Works For Me Wednesday

Top Ten {Tuesday}

Three Things You Should Know About Neonatologists

If you have a micropreemie (a baby born before 26 weeks gestation- yes, that is correct, the medical definition of micropreemie has to do with gestational age, NOT being "less than 2 lb"), there is no doubt that your newborn will be heading to the NICU. Not only will he be needing the care of a NICU, he will likely need the care that can only be provided by a level III NICU. Level III NICUs are typically found in large teaching hospitals often affiliated with major universities. These NICUs are the ones that handle the babies who need the most critical, specialized care.

During your stay in the NICU, you will likely deal with three different levels of doctors:

1. Neonatologists are pediatricians who have completed higher training in the very specialized field of caring for, literally, "newborns". Rather than practicing in the broader field of "pediatrics", these doctors have chosen to focus their careers on a more narrow population. They care for preemies and other newborns born with conditions beyond the usual scope of generalized pediatrics.
2. Fellows are doctors who have completed all requirements for being a full-fledged doctor of _______ (insert specialty here), but who are pursuing further training to narrow down their focus even more. In the NICU, these doctors are pediatricians who are working on becoming neonatologists.
3. Residents are doctors who have done the "school" part of being a doctor and are now working on the "hospital" part of finishing it all up. Usually, these are men and women who think they may be interested in working in that field (in this case, neonatology) down the pike. At this stage, they are at the point of finishing up their program in pediatrics; should they choose to become neonatologists, there would be further training to do later on.

This is a simplified version, to be sure. (Please don't judge me, medical professionals- I realize this is a "cliff's notes" version of how it works!) I met wonderful doctors from all three categories during our 100+ day stay in the NICU but, I must confess, I have a soft spot for fellows. I think that's because it was the fellow in the room who helped me keep a clear head when all things went crazy in the OB/ICU...

What three things can you tell us about this week?