Three Things I Could Not Have Lived Without After Giving Birth at 24 Weeks

Let me be very clear, first of all... this is not an exhaustive list. Nor is it a list of the things that TRULY got me through those early days- things like prayer, support, education, lodging near my baby, etc. No, this is a list of three things that I wouldn't necessarily have known I would need... but it turned out that I did:

1. Vicodin. Maybe it seems kind of silly for me to list a narcotic here, but I'm being very truthful. I do NOT have a low pain threshold. I do NOT take medication for every (or even most) ache(s) or pain(s). The side-effects of most drugs bother me far more than the symptoms I must endure. I declined medication over and over and over again following my son's birth. But after my classic c-section with C? I embraced the Vicodin. The simple fact is that I would not have been able to walk the many blocks and endless corridors that I was required to in order to see my daughter without that medication. Trust me. I tried it on just ibuprofen one night and collapsed in a hallway. And so... Vicodin makes my list.
2. Maternity pants. Don't throw things at me, but I never needed maternity pants after my son was born. No, I couldn't hop right back into my "skinny jeans", but I was absolutely back in normal clothing just as soon as I got home. With C. being born four months early and given the fact that I carry my babies small, I never wore maternity pants during that pregnancy. It's true. But, ooh boy, did I ever need them after that classic c-section. Sore and swollen with a tender incision across my lower abdomen, maternity pants were the only thing I could wear comfortably. I suppose dresses would have worked, but then I would have had the inconvenience of trying to pump every couple hours in them...
3. My cell phone. Maybe this seems comical to some of you who couldn't live without your phones under the best of circumstances, but, me? I made it many, many years without one while the rest of the world became more and more dependent on the suckers. I never had any reason to feel like people should be able to reach me "anytime, anywhere". I didn't even LIKE that idea. Once I had a baby in the NICU? I was ever-so-grateful that the nurses could summon me at a moment's notice, that the pediatric ophthalmologist could reach me right away with bad news, and that I had a way to stay in touch when we found ourselves, very suddenly, transferred to Chicago for surgery. (By the way, I do like having a cell phone still, but- pssst- I've still never sent nor received a text message. ;))

If anyone had told me five years ago that someday I'd sing the praises of narcotics, cell phones, and wearing maternity pants while not pregnant, I would have called them crazy. But, well, I've been through a lot in five years... and I've learned a lot along the way.

Have you ever ended up really needing something that you never would have foreseen?

Three Things You Should Know About Preemie Dads

When babies arrive way too early, the focus is, of course, on the baby. As well it should be. But, after the new arrival, most of the concern seems to fall on the mommies. There are a lot of good reasons for this, most notably the fact that Mommy has gone through birth, often under traumatic circumstances. Add to that the fact that the mother's health may have been in very real jeopardy and it makes even more sense. Still, I want you to remember that...

Having a preemie is hard on Dad too. Here are three very specific reasons why:

1. Rare is the dad who gets abundant paternity leave. Oftentimes (as with my hubby), these fathers need to go back to work within days of their preemie's unexpected early arrival. It is heart-wrenching for them to have to leave their babies (and wives, in some cases) still hospitalized but, especially if they are the primary bread-winners, there often isn't a choice.
2. Not only are preemie dads dealing with the same responsibilities at work as before the birth, they are often shouldering MORE responsibilities on the homefront. If Mom had a c-section or health struggles, she is often not in good enough shape to take care of her "usual" tasks, from childcare to housekeeping. Who ends up bearing that burden? Often- Dad.
3. Dads are expected to be tough. While society accepts and comforts mothers who dissolve into teary, blubbering messes, the same cannot be said for fathers. No matter how "equal" we try to make the genders, they are not. And society's expectations of dads are very different from those of moms. While their emotions are riding the same wild roller coaster on the inside, Dads often feel the need to remain stoic, to always be the "strong one". This is an incredible responsibility and can definitely take its toll.

So, the next time you're talking to the father of a preemie, think about how hard it is for him too. Acknowledge that. Just saying, "This must be really hard on you... let me know if I can help" can go a long way.

Three Bible Verses to Reflect On In Times of Struggle

This week's "Three Things Thursday" is short and sweet... but oh-so-important. Here are just three (of many!) Bible verses to reflect on and seek comfort from when your baby arrives way too early...

1. Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer
2. Jeremiah 17:7 But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
3. Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

What verses bring you comfort during times of struggle?

Three Things You Should Know About Growth Curves

When you go in for a well-child appointment, one of the most anticipated little bits of news is your child's current height and weight and where they fall "on the curve" or "on the chart". But, really, how much does this matter? Here are a few things to keep in mind while digesting that latest bit of information from your doctor...

1. What matters most is consistency. While we parents of tiny preemies spend a lot of time in the early days just trying to get our babies ON the chart, the vast majority of children naturally fall somewhere between the 3rd and 97th percentiles. Babies in the 95th percentile are not necessarily any healthier than those in the 5th, nor are they necessarily overweight or obese. What doctors do not want to see is a baby who has consistently been in the 70th percentile suddenly plummet to the 30th or a baby who has always been in the 50th percentile jump up to the 85th.
2. Height and weight do not need to fall in the same percentile. Babies are little humans and, as such, they have unique little bodies. There is a very wide range of normal- and healthy. My former micropreemie has, ever since she got ON the charts, fallen in the 3rd percentile for weight and just over the 25th for height. And that's fine. I have a niece who was, consistently, in the 85th percentile for height and 10th percentile for weight. That's just her normal. As long as she "stays the course", there's not likely much need for concern.
3. It is the doctor's job to question and analyze significant changes. Try not to be offended if your pediatrician asks you questions about your child's diet or activity level. Take it in stride if you're asked to come back in a month or two for a follow-up check. The doctor isn't insinuating you're a bad parent- he's trying to make sure there's not a bigger reason for concern (like a metabolic issue, hormonal imbalance, or disease). If there ARE changes that need to be made in your child's diet or activity level, just consider yourself lucky that it's such an easy fix!

I am raising children who are all over the map, size-wise. My son is in the 90th percentile for weight and, because of that, I think of him as "big". In reality, he's just tall. His height is way over the 97th percentile. Those charts can mess with your head sometimes! I'm guilty of being eager to hear the news each time I go in... but I'm lucky to have had enough smart doctors that I don't fixate on it.

How about you? Do you look forward to or dread those details? Or do you just not care? Have you ever had any worries about your child's growth?

Three Things You Should Know About Early Preemie Screenings

You've all heard of the Apgar, right? It's a tool used to get an early gauge as to how a baby is doing. They also test for a number of rare conditions through a blood sample. These are all just standard early screenings done to help monitor your baby's condition.

Early preemies have these too. But they also have a few more. Here are three of them:

1. Blood Gases- Ask any preemie parent and they'll be all too familiar with these. Breathing is one of the first major challenges for these tiny babies. In almost all cases, micropreemies spend many of their early days on ventilators. In order to make sure they are being given the right levels, blood is drawn (usually from the heel) at set intervals (ranging from hourly to every 6 hours, typically) and the "gas levels" are checked. From these results, the doctors and nurses can decide if the ventilator settings need to be adjusted. When it goes well, this is a quick, fairly painless process. When it doesn't? Well, let me just say that watching a nurse stick your baby's bruised-up heel over and over again is not for the faint of heart. I'm guessing it's not fun for the nurse either...
2. Head Ultrasounds- Brain bleeds are a major concern for babies born way too early. Most hospitals do weekly ultrasounds to monitor for intracranial (or intraventricular) hemorrhaging. These are painless for the babies, but stressful for the parents. It is not uncommon for a small bleed to be spotted and subsequently resolve itself. Unfortunately, it is also not uncommon for a bleed to worsen and require treatment.
3. Eye Exams- Micropreemies are very susceptible to ROP or retinopathy of prematurity. There are varying grades of this (our daughter had a very severe case that required transport and retinal surgery) and it needs to be monitored on a weekly (or, in rare cases, more frequent) basis. The eye doctors will assure you that this exam is not really painful, but it is horrible to watch. This is mainly because of the device they use to keep your tiny baby's eye pried open. The ophthalmologist in our NICU wisely advised me to stay near, but not watch. I was given no such warning in Chicago... *shudder*

Preemie parents, what regular screening tests do you remember seeing your preemie go through?

Three Ways A Preemie Parent Is Just Like You

There are lots of ways in which preemie parents differ from "full-term" parents. Our journey is just so vastly different... the fact that we know we have months before we might possibly bring our babies home is only part of it. Nonetheless, there are lots of things we have in common too! Here are three of them:

1. We are proud of our newborn babies. You'd be surprised how shocking this seems to be to some people. Sadly enough, we parents of very early babies sometimes receive sympathy cards instead of congratulations cards. People focus on the obvious disappointment in the earliness of the birth and forget about the joy of having a baby. But know this- we are proud. And joyful.
2. We are exhausted. Full-term parents lose a ton of sleep as they get up multiple times throughout the night caring for their newborns. We preemie parents lose sleep as we get up to pump, call the NICU, or sit by our struggling babies' bedsides. We, too, are super tired, even though there is not yet a baby in our bedroom or home nursery...
3. We think our babies are beautiful... even if they aren't. I'm sorry, but it's the simple truth. Some babies are cuter (or prettier or more even-featured or whatever) than others. Some preemie babies can be compared to wrinkly little old men. Still. When you look into the face of your precious newborn child, the love clouds anything else and that baby is gorgeous.

There are innumerable other things we all have in common... there is more that connects us than divides us, to be sure.

If you're a preemie parent, what do you wish full-term parents knew you shared with them?

And for all of you... what three things can you teach me this week? I'm so eager to read what you share! It can be on any topic at all. If you have three related tid-bits to share, I want to hear about it!

3 Ways to NICU-Proof Your Marriage

You know those people who think that having a baby will somehow strengthen or mend a struggling or broken marriage? Anyone who has actually HAD a baby knows that isn't true. Babies are a wonderful, to be sure, but they can also add stress to even a happy, strong, stable marriage.

Considering the fact that, in the best of circumstances, having a baby can lead to exhaustion and frustration, it should come as no surprise that having a baby in the NICU can stress a marriage immensely, sometimes seemingly irreparably.

I don't want to minimize how devastating having an ill, struggling child can be. There is no way to fully prevent it from having an impact on your relationship. Often, it feels like your marriage seems stronger for awhile- as you bond together and fight as hard as you can- only to feel like it's falling apart as the long days of struggle take their toll...

We went into our NICU experience with a strong marriage. We had been through lots of tough things before- illness, moving, loss of a parent, the birth of a full-term child... all within that past year. Still, it challenged us.

Nonetheless, we are NOT among the nearly NINETY-PERCENT of long-term NICU parents (those with a baby in the NICU for more than 60 days) who end up separated or divorced. I'd like to share with you three ways we helped avoid that pitfall:

1. We ate dinner together. Every day. As a family. Our days were wild and crazy. My husband was working long hours, I was caring for an 11-month old and calling the NICU every hour or so. We sometimes didn't know if we were coming or going. But we knew we'd be eating supper together. That constancy was critical for our marriage and, I believe, in providing consistency for our other child.
2. We prayed together. Have I mentioned before that my husband and I are not of the same faith? Or that he is not "as religious" as me, in his own terms? Yep, it's true. Still, we came together for our baby girl. Even when my only prayer was "Please, God!" or when the only words I could pull together were those to say the rosary... we prayed together.
3. I kept him in the loop. I was the one who made most of the calls or visits to the NICU during the day. I got all the updates. I called him- each and every time, even if nothing had really changed. That was important. He was ALWAYS the first person I told any news... even if my mom or mother-in-law happened to catch me on the phone before I could reach him. I waited for him. That was critical to maintaining marital unity and making him a priority.

Even with all this, I will be honest and tell you that there are times our marriage took a beating. We never entertained thoughts of divorce or separation, but there were evenings when we barely spoke... difficult when you're all living in one small room. But that's how it was. That's the truth.

But the next day, when I got my NICU update, do you know who I'd call?

My husband. My partner. The one person who was suffering just like me.

We successfully NICU-proofed our marriage.

How about you? Did you and your spouse ever feel the strain a NICU experience can cause? What tips do you have to help keep the union strong?

Three Things You Should Know About Young Children and Contacts

My four-year old got contact lenses today. Yes, you read that correctly. I hope to tell you more about that tomorrow (and share pictures!) In the meantime, here are three things you may or may not know about contact lenses, particularly with respect to children:

1. Babies can wear contacts. Our pediatric ophthalmologist's youngest contact lens-wearing patient is 2 weeks old... or, at least, WAS 2 weeks old when he first got lenses. Some doctors, in fact, prefer contacts over glasses for their very youngest patients. In our case, the doctor recommended that our daughter try contacts somewhere between 4 and 6 years of age. She'll be 5 in December.
2. Contact lenses provide superior peripheral vision. This becomes more and more important as children take on increasingly difficult gross motor challenges. In our little girl's case, we realized that she was struggling to make more progress in physical therapy... and her vision was the main culprit. This was a huge motivating factor for me in saying, "Okay, let's give lenses a shot."
3. Contact lenses don't "minimize" things in the visual field the way glasses do. You may have to be very near-sighted to know this but, if you are, you know what I'm saying-- with glasses on, small print becomes even smaller. Part of how glasses correct vision is to "sharpen" the image. This results in the shrinking of whatever you're looking at. For an extremely near-sighted child, this can make reading, coloring, and doing puzzles exceedingly difficult. Contacts do not have the same effect. The result? Our daughter doesn't try to look over or under her glasses with her face pressed on the page...

So there it is... just a few things I've learned about young children and contact lenses. Anything else you would like to know? Would you ever consider contacts for your child?

(Because of how late this post is going up- so sorry!- I've elected not to bother with a linky this week. Really, no one links up most weeks anyhow. :) Nevertheless, it will be back next week!)

Three Things You Should Know About "Fortified Breast Milk"

Even if a woman decides to provide expressed breast milk for her micropreemie (because- seriously- nursing at the breast is off the table at less than 26 weeks gestation...), the doctors may decide that the milk needs to be "fortified". Micropreemies are so tiny and just growing is one of the main things they need to do to get stronger. Sometimes, additional calories are needed to make this happen...

1. An "average" ounce of breast milk has 20 calories in it- the same amount of calories you'll find in one ounce of regular formula. Keep in mind that this is just an average. The nurses- just by looking at my milk- swore mine contained more fat and was likely higher in calories. But who knows? Doctors use "20 calories" as a starting point...
2. While it is true that things are being "added" to the breast milk (sometimes a bit of formula powder, sometimes "human milk fortifier", sometimes a substance that- no joke- looks like vegetable oil), all the benefits of the milk remain. There is nothing wrong with the preemie's mother's milk. The milk is not processed in any way that changes its composition- these substances are added for the sole purpose of fattening up that babe.
3. While the benefits of the milk are unchanged, the ease of digestion is compromised by the addition of these "fortifiers". Frequently, babies who receive fortified breast milk will start having "diaper problems" ranging from diarrhea to constipation to horrible rashes. Our daughter fell in that last camp and had such a horrible rash they put a barrier cream on her and left her un-diapered in the hope that would help her heal. She did- eventually- but it was horrible to see.

So there you go! Our C was on "24 cal" breastmilk even when we brought her home. This meant we bought Similac Neosure Advance to add to it, even though I diligently pumped for her. Still, we were lucky. When she hit one year (adjusted-- 16 months, calendar-wise), C went on just a typical diet. We have never needed to supplement her diet or add Pediasure or any of that. She's still small-boned and slim- she barely tips the scale at 30 lb at 4 1/2 years old. But she is healthy and- very importantly as all preemie parents know- ON THE CHARTS. :)

What three things would you like us to know?

Three Things You Should Know About Neonatologists

If you have a micropreemie (a baby born before 26 weeks gestation- yes, that is correct, the medical definition of micropreemie has to do with gestational age, NOT being "less than 2 lb"), there is no doubt that your newborn will be heading to the NICU. Not only will he be needing the care of a NICU, he will likely need the care that can only be provided by a level III NICU. Level III NICUs are typically found in large teaching hospitals often affiliated with major universities. These NICUs are the ones that handle the babies who need the most critical, specialized care.

During your stay in the NICU, you will likely deal with three different levels of doctors:

1. Neonatologists are pediatricians who have completed higher training in the very specialized field of caring for, literally, "newborns". Rather than practicing in the broader field of "pediatrics", these doctors have chosen to focus their careers on a more narrow population. They care for preemies and other newborns born with conditions beyond the usual scope of generalized pediatrics.
2. Fellows are doctors who have completed all requirements for being a full-fledged doctor of _______ (insert specialty here), but who are pursuing further training to narrow down their focus even more. In the NICU, these doctors are pediatricians who are working on becoming neonatologists.
3. Residents are doctors who have done the "school" part of being a doctor and are now working on the "hospital" part of finishing it all up. Usually, these are men and women who think they may be interested in working in that field (in this case, neonatology) down the pike. At this stage, they are at the point of finishing up their program in pediatrics; should they choose to become neonatologists, there would be further training to do later on.

This is a simplified version, to be sure. (Please don't judge me, medical professionals- I realize this is a "cliff's notes" version of how it works!) I met wonderful doctors from all three categories during our 100+ day stay in the NICU but, I must confess, I have a soft spot for fellows. I think that's because it was the fellow in the room who helped me keep a clear head when all things went crazy in the OB/ICU...

What three things can you tell us about this week?

My Three Top Recommendations if You Give Birth Scary Early

I hope you never need these tips. I pray (everyday- seriously) that fewer and fewer babies are born so very early. But it does happen. If you happen to be one of the ones who has a very, very premature baby, here are my three biggest recommendations for you:

1. Try to breastfeed. (Or pump.) There are times when mom's health hangs too much in the balance to make this a viable possibility but, if there's even a small chance, try to nurse. While breastfeeding is the gold standard for ALL babies, it is even more critical for these tiny preemies. Full-term newborns have received a whole lot of antibodies through the placenta during the third trimester. Very early preemies miss out on that last trimester and, as a result, all those antibodies. Breast milk is the ONLY way for mom to pass on that protection. Try.
2. Be nice to the nurses. (And the doctors... but especially the nurses.) The nurses who care for your baby will prove to be an invaluable resource to you. They can tell you, frankly, how your baby's doing. They are often the gatekeepers to when you are allowed to change, touch, or hold your baby. They can get you the answers you need. Nurses witness all manner of things and have to deal with all manner of people. Try to be the kind of person someone would want to help and your road will be much smoother.
3. Take care of yourself. You know that old adage about putting on your own oxygen mask before assisting your children? Yeah... my husband and I always roll our eyes at that a little bit just because it's very hard to imagine not taking care of our babies first. Still... you need to eat. You need to sleep. You need to realize you gave birth to a baby and, as such, need to recover. I am not in the camp that suggests you "go to a movie and out to dinner" and all that... but that's more just because I don't go out and do those things if I have a full-term healthy infant either. It takes me a long time to want to go out and leave a baby behind. That's just me and I'm not judging people who choose to "get away". What I'm saying is this: if you're not nourished and rested, you can't focus and make the best choices for your baby. You're going to have a lot thrown at you. It pays to be clear-headed.

There you go. Those are my three top tips if you're facing life after just having given birth what I call "scary early"...

What three tips do you have? Or what three things can you teach me?

Three Things You Shouldn't Take For Granted With Your Newborn

There are so, so many things you should not take for granted when you have a child. We all do, though. It's human nature not to realize your blessings until you don't have them. How many of us really think about how good we feel until, suddenly, we don't?

When you have an extremely early preemie, there are so many major, major health concerns. Those occupy a lot of your thoughts. In between them, however, here are three little things that occupy the minds of micropreemie parents that parents of full-termers likely take for granted:

1. Hearing your baby cry. I was so, so blessed... I actually heard my baby cry at birth. This is incredibly rare for a baby born at 24 weeks. But, even with that, she was so tiny and just not strong enough to keep breathing on her own and had to be intubated. For as long as she was on the ventilator (and, for micropreemies, that is often quite a long time), she could not cry. She had no voice at all. Babies who end up needing tracheotomies go an even longer stretch without being able to cry to communicate. It is HARD for the parents. We would gladly hold and soothe a wailing baby. We just don't get the chance.
2. Seeing your baby's eyes. Most newborns spend a whole lot of time with their eyes closed- sleeping. Those few newborns who do not probably have parents who likely wish they saw a little bit MORE of their baby's eyelids! But what if you never saw your baby's eyes? What if you had no idea what color, shape, and size they might be? Such is the case for many micropreemie parents. Our babies are usually born with their eyes still fused together. We have to wait days, or weeks, before those eyes open up. It's hard to wait that long to gaze into your child's eyes...
3. Changing your baby's diaper. This is one of those tasks that is often playfully pushed back and forth between parents, "Uh, uh... he's stinky! He's your baby when he's stinky!" Tee hee hee. ;) It's different for micropreemie parents. In those early weeks, we never get to hold our babies. We aren't allowed to touch them much. We watch them from outside their glass boxes. When a nurse asks us, "Would you like to change his diaper?", we jump up excitedly. We may even argue with each other about whose turn it is... but we want to do it. We don't try to pass the job off. That little bit of contact and care is sometimes all we get for a day or two. We jump at the chance.

So the next time your screaming newborn turns to you with sad or mad eyes and you realize she has a nasty blow-out diaper to change... well, try to be grateful, at least for a moment. And try not to take any of it for granted.

What three things would you like to share with us this week?

Three Things You Should Know About the Preemie Roller Coaster

When you have a micropreemie, the doctors, nurses, and even other parents will start murmuring about something called a "preemie roller coaster". Here are three things you should know about that "roller coaster" if you're the friend or family member of someone with a micropeemie.

1. Micropreemies, even more than their later-term preemie peers, tend to have a honeymoon period. It's not unusual for a micropreemie to be weaned off a vent, receive increased milk or formula feeds, and be on no significant medication, all within the first week of life and all before getting anywhere close to two pounds. It's truly amazing to witness.
2. Sometime between 7 and 14 days old, things often head south. Be it an infection, pneumonia, digestive issues, a brain bleed, or something else... oftentimes, one thing goes wrong and it quickly snowballs into a dire situation. The micropreemie who was "doing so well" is suddenly on the brink of tragedy. It is devastating.
3. No matter how many times people tell the parents about the almost inevitable roller coaster ride, it still cuts them off at the knees. It doesn't matter if it's illogical, you convince yourself that your baby is different. Your baby is going to just keep getting better. As the friend or family, you need to realize that nothing, even being warned, has prepared the parents for the life-altering moment when their baby's health starts to go downhill. Be willing to listen, commiserate and, as always, PRAY. This is what micropreemie parents need from you.

Have you ever faced a health crisis that felt like a roller coaster ride? Do you think it's easier or harder to have those "ups" thrown in with the "downs"?

What "3 Things" can you share with us this week?

Three Things You Should Know About Clothes Shopping For a Micropreemie

When a new baby is born, we love to give sweet little baby clothes as gifts. Those tiny little outfits are just so darn cute! I received some baby clothes when my 24-wkr was born as well. Here are three things to keep in mind if you decide to give a gift of clothing to the parent of a micropreemie:

1. Micropreemies are not allowed to wear clothes at first. Their body temperatures must be carefully monitored and controlled in their incubators or isolettes. In addition, they usually have so many tubes and wires coming from them that clothing would just get tangled and be in the way.
2. Once they are allowed to wear clothes, simple things are best. If you (or people you know) happen to be handy, making cute little "hospital gown" type garments out of sweet little prints can be ideal. If not, look for basic garments with easy-access and snaps instead of zippers- nurses need to be able to thread those wires and tubes through there.
3. "Preemie"-sized clothing will likely be too big for quite some time. You can certainly find clothing specially sized for these very tiny babies. My sister-in-law and mother-in-law both purchased outfits for our C from one of these online shops. If that's too much trouble, standard preemie clothing is readily available at many mass-retailers and the baby will certainly need it at some point! Walmart is probably the most well-known store and they carry a large selection. For my micropreemie, I found the Walmart clothes to be a tad "short and wide". Gymboree has a cute line for preemies and their garments have a slimmer cut to them. We loved their clothing for our daughter. It's pricier than Walmart, to be sure, but we wore those sleepers to death.

Keep in mind that, while many people buy a couple preemie outfits for their 5- or 6- lb babies, those outfits do not fit them for long. With a micropreemie, you will get major mileage out of preemie-sized and, even more so, newborn-sized outfits. For full-term babies, I never recommend buying anything smaller than 0-3 month clothing. For micropreemies? Newborn size is very welcome and appropriate!

One final, frugal note: If you are the parent of the micropreemie and you're looking for more preemie clothes, ask around. Unfortunately, having a preemie is not terribly uncommon and there is likely someone in your family, church, job, or neighborhood who has had an early baby. While not uncommon, preemies are not so common that most people feel the need to save those clothes for future babies or family members.

Three Things You Should Not Say to a Preemie Parent

Last week, I shared three great things you can do to help the parents of a very premature baby. This week, I'd like to clue you in to three things you should avoid saying. For some of you, these may seem obvious. But- please believe me- they have been said. More than once.

1. "Your baby was born two (three, four, etc) months early? You're SO lucky! All of mine were LATE... it was awful!!"
2. "Do you ever wish you had made a different choice about, you know, keeping her alive?"
3. "Well, I guess it was just God's will..."

Now, listen... I believe in God's will as much as the next guy. And, yes, I do believe that there was a reason and purpose for my daughter's early birth. But, here's the thing... when your child is struggling to live and her very survival is a giant question mark each day, well, it's hard to figure out how exactly that is God's plan when you're in the trenches. All preemie parents may not agree with me on that one but, for me, it felt almost accusatory... like, "God's plan for ME was to have four healthy, full-term births. God's plan for YOU was to suffer the near-death of your tiny baby." I'm just saying...

Lest you think you should just avoid speaking to the hyper-sensitive preemie parent, let me leave you with a bonus three things that we love to hear from you:

1. "He's (she's) beautiful."
2. "Let me know if you need anything."
3. "I'll be praying for you."

It's really that simple.

Three Things You Should Know A Micropreemie Parent Needs From You

One of the questions I'm most frequently asked is this:

What can I do for my friend/neighbor/sister/co-worker who just had a baby born at 24-/25-/26- weeks?

Here are a few things:

1. Acknowledge the birth. Do whatever you would have done had the baby been born full-term. If you planned to give a card, do so. If you would have felt the occasion merited a gift, give one. As micropreemie parents, we are well aware that our babies may not make it. But, for now, we are just the parents of a newborn and would appreciate the same joy and excitement that other parents get.
2. Offer clear and specific help. Do you know how bleary-eyed and foggy-minded people sometimes get with a new baby? Take that times ten or so. Micropreemie parents are sometimes so overwhelmed it's hard to even think of what needs to be done when people ask us, kindly, "What can I do?" Offer to babysit older siblings, feed pets, watch the house, drive a post-c-section mom to the hospital. If you think they could use it, offer it.
3. Provide snacks. The full meals we love to deliver- complete with reheating instructions- to new moms just don't work so well for micropreemie parents. But snacks are a blesssing! It's so easy to forget to eat when you're caught up in the madness of the NICU, but it's still so important for mom and dad to keep their energy up... especially a new mom who's nursing/pumping. Need ideas? Here are a few.

So there you go. What can you do? Any of the above are most welcome! Help me out, fellow micropreemie 'rents... what things can others do to help?

And what can you teach me this week? Despite the fact that absolutely no one participated last week, I am pushing forward! I am convinced I have readers with oodles of knowledge to share...

Three Things You Should Know About Ronald McDonald House

When our little girl was born almost four months early, we were blessed to be at one of the top NICUs in the country. We were also two hours from home. Would it have been feasible to drive four hours each day to visit her? No. Would it have been possible to afford a hotel for, as it turned out, exactly ONE HUNDRED nights? Not really. Where did we turn? The Ronald McDonald House.

At the Indianapolis RMH (the one where we stayed):

1. The average stay is 13.8 nights. Blessedly, many families only need a couple nights there while their children heal. Families like ours, with stays in the triple digits, push the average up. Once you have a room, you are guaranteed a room until your child is discharged. There's amazing comfort in that.
2. In one calendar year (2009), 1,777 families from Indiana were served. An additional 118 families from 21 other states and 7 families from 6 other countries also called the RMH home.
3. The estimated cost per night to provide a room is $74. Families are asked to contribute $10/night. The average family is able to pay $3.62/night. We were happy to pay the $10/night but, when they learned just how long we were staying, the managers reduced our "bill" to $5/night. We were so, so blessed to have a place to live that cost us $500 for 3 1/2 months.

I simply cannot tell you all the amazing things about the Ronald McDonald House in one short article. If you're interested in knowing more, you may want to check out these posts:

Moving Into the Ronald McDonald House

How You Can Help

Our RMH Family and Mourning Together

What questions do you have about Ronald McDonald House Charities? I'll do my best to answer them in the comments!

What can you teach us all about this week? What 3 Things do you think we should know? Link up below! Please be sure your link goes directly to your post and that you include a link back here so everyone else can find us and share the knowledge!

Three Things You Should Know About Breastfeeding A Preemie

1. Premature labor triggers the same shift in hormones that full-term labor does, thus cueing mom's body to start producing milk. It was shocking and amazing to me that, despite never even really looking pregnant, I was able to pump colostrum and, within 24 hours, measurable ounces of milk. (Note: I am a woman whose milk fully comes in within that first day- this is neither usual nor necessary.)
2. The breast milk produced by preemie moms differs fairly significantly from that of full-term moms. Some neonatologists theorize that the breast milk of preemie moms contains higher levels of white blood cells, antibodies, and other valuable immune properties that may help a premature baby resist infection.
3. For moms of very premature babies, "breastfeeding" really means "pumping". It takes a huge commitment to decide to pump every 2 to 3 hours for weeks, perhaps months, before there's even a chance your baby can attempt to nurse at the breast. For moms whose premature labor was caused by issues with their own health, this can be even more challenging.

What would you like more people to know about? What can you teach me? Link up with your own "Three Things You Should Know..." post so we can all be a little more informed!

(I've just opened up "Three Things You Should Know Thursday" as a meme, but I've actually been writing them for a long time! To see some of my "Three Things..." archives, just head here.)

Three Things You Should Know Thursdays

There are a few of you who have been with me since way back in the day... way back when I used to do a piece every week entitled "Three Things You Should Know Thursday". It was a good feature for me to do because it enabled me to teach you all a little bit about micropreemies in a nice, brief format.

Well... guess what???

As of this Thursday... IT'S BACK!

But it's going to be better than ever now.

Because I want YOU to teach me some things. Share "Three Things" we should know about any topic at all that is near and dear to you! "Three Things You Should Know About Embroidery"? Perfect! "Three Things You Should Know About Homeschooling a Kindergartener"? Bring it on! Whatever you've got- I'm game. As long as there are three things, it's Thursday, you link to your post and not the main page, and you link back over here, you're right on track!

A linky will go live with my "Three Things" post on Wednesday night. Won't you come join me and teach me a few things? Spread the word, if you're so inclined... the more the merrier!

"Three Things You Should Know" Thursday

(originally posted 7/24/08)


Today's "Three Things" involve the size of micropreemies... many people refer to any baby born weighing less than two pounds as a "micropreemie". Babies that small are tiny preemies to be sure. But, to be more accurate...

1. The term "micropreemie" medically refers to the gestational age of the preemie (<26 style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);">

2. That being said, over 95% of micropreemies are born weighing less than 1 lb 11 oz.

3. Micropreemies are so small, their weight is always measured in grams, not pounds. Parents of these tiny miracles quickly learn that 454 g = 1 lb. I am a master at metrics conversions now.

I look forward to sharing more tidbits about these tiny babies and the parents who raise them!

(Side note-- Way "back in the day", I had planned to open up "Three Things You Should Know" Thursday as meme with a Mr. Linky... so you all could share three things the rest of us should know about the topic of your choice. Would anyone be interested in this? Please leave a comment or email me if so!)