Three Things I Could Not Have Lived Without After Giving Birth at 24 Weeks

Let me be very clear, first of all... this is not an exhaustive list. Nor is it a list of the things that TRULY got me through those early days- things like prayer, support, education, lodging near my baby, etc. No, this is a list of three things that I wouldn't necessarily have known I would need... but it turned out that I did:

1. Vicodin. Maybe it seems kind of silly for me to list a narcotic here, but I'm being very truthful. I do NOT have a low pain threshold. I do NOT take medication for every (or even most) ache(s) or pain(s). The side-effects of most drugs bother me far more than the symptoms I must endure. I declined medication over and over and over again following my son's birth. But after my classic c-section with C? I embraced the Vicodin. The simple fact is that I would not have been able to walk the many blocks and endless corridors that I was required to in order to see my daughter without that medication. Trust me. I tried it on just ibuprofen one night and collapsed in a hallway. And so... Vicodin makes my list.
2. Maternity pants. Don't throw things at me, but I never needed maternity pants after my son was born. No, I couldn't hop right back into my "skinny jeans", but I was absolutely back in normal clothing just as soon as I got home. With C. being born four months early and given the fact that I carry my babies small, I never wore maternity pants during that pregnancy. It's true. But, ooh boy, did I ever need them after that classic c-section. Sore and swollen with a tender incision across my lower abdomen, maternity pants were the only thing I could wear comfortably. I suppose dresses would have worked, but then I would have had the inconvenience of trying to pump every couple hours in them...
3. My cell phone. Maybe this seems comical to some of you who couldn't live without your phones under the best of circumstances, but, me? I made it many, many years without one while the rest of the world became more and more dependent on the suckers. I never had any reason to feel like people should be able to reach me "anytime, anywhere". I didn't even LIKE that idea. Once I had a baby in the NICU? I was ever-so-grateful that the nurses could summon me at a moment's notice, that the pediatric ophthalmologist could reach me right away with bad news, and that I had a way to stay in touch when we found ourselves, very suddenly, transferred to Chicago for surgery. (By the way, I do like having a cell phone still, but- pssst- I've still never sent nor received a text message. ;))

If anyone had told me five years ago that someday I'd sing the praises of narcotics, cell phones, and wearing maternity pants while not pregnant, I would have called them crazy. But, well, I've been through a lot in five years... and I've learned a lot along the way.

Have you ever ended up really needing something that you never would have foreseen?

Homemade Peppermint Patties

Take that, York! I can now replicate my very, very favorite "purchased" candy at home. In fact, over coffee and a few indulgent patties last week, my sister declared the homemade version tastier than the store-bought kind. Better, thicker chocolate and a slightly smoother filling make them superior in her opinion. You be the judge, but go ahead and make up a batch!

(Disclaimer: This recipe is from the Nov 2010 issue of Family Fun Magazine. You can find it right here online. I'm also writing it out here for you so I can share the methods I used to make certain steps easier.)

Ingredients:

2 tablespoons + 1 teaspoon cold water
1 tablespoon light corn syrup
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice (I happened to have a real lemon on hand and I used a teaspoon of juice from it- I don't think it would have a significant negative impact to use the bottled kind)
1 teaspoon peppermint extract
1 1-lb box powdered sugar (about 3 3/4 cups)
1 tablespoon shortening
12 oz semisweet chocolate chips (I definitely needed the full bag and, in truth, my last couple of patties weren't super well-coated. If you want them all to be uniform and pretty, you may want an extra couple of ounces!)
6 starlight peppermint candies, crushed (totally optional, but pretty!)

Directions:

1. Using electric mixer, beat together 2 tablespoons water, corn syrup, lemon juice, and peppermint extract. Add half of the powdered sugar. Add shortening. Beat on medium and slowly ad the remaining powdered sugar until well combined. If mixture seems too stiff or crumbly, add additional teaspoon of water (<--I did.)

2. Form into ball and place between sheets of waxed paper. I used a rolling pin to roll into a disk about 9" in diameter and 1/4" thick. Lay disk on cookie sheet and put in freezer for about 15 min.

3. Place disk on flat surface and cut out circles. They recommend a small cookie cutter and, if you have one, that's great. I did not, so I used the rim of a very small cordial glass and that worked splendidly! Look around your house before you go out buying things, that's my motto. Anywho, cut out as many circles as you can and lay them on a parchment lined cookie sheet. Gather the scraps into a ball (just like you would cookie dough) and re-roll. Cut out more circles. Repeat this process until all the filling is gone. Put circles in freezer.

4. Melt your chocolate. I do mine in the microwave, on medium, stirring every 30 seconds or so. Using a fork, dip each patty and let the excess chocolate run off. Place on waxed paper. (While "ball" candies like peanut butter balls or coconut balls will just "roll off" the fork, patties will not. You may find it helpful to use a butter knife to gently push it off onto the waxed paper.) Sprinkle each patty with a bit of crushed mint candy- you'll want to do this after every 5 or so that you dip so the chocolate doesn't set up too much on you...

5. Harden the finished patties in the refrigerator for at least an hour. It's best to store them airtight in the fridge, layered with waxed paper or parchment. These will keep up to a month but, really, I highly doubt this is going to be an issue! ;)

Yield: 5 dozen, according to Family Fun... 52 for me.

• I was amazed how quickly and easily I was able to put these together... I made them with my three "5 & under" kiddos with me. I love that you don't have to cook it to some specific temperature.
• Try not to get all bent out of shape about the corn syrup and shortening in these... it's really pretty minimal and, let's face it, we're not making health food here. If, like me, you haven't purchased shortening in five or so years and find yourself struggling to find it in the store... it's with the oils, not the baking supplies.
• Also, yes, I'm perfectly aware that, technically, it's "wax paper", but I've never been able to say or type that... just sounds wrong to me. So, for now and forever more, you'll get "waxed paper" from me. ;)

Enjoy!!!

This post is linked to:

Tempt My Tummy Tuesday

Tasty Tuesday

"My Story..." Monday: No One Knows Anything

(If you missed the beginning of this story, you can find parts 1-3 here:

• Part 1: She Got Hurt
• Part 2: Facing Judgment
• Part 3: The Hot Pink Cast
• Part 4: Brittle Bone Disease?

How was this even happening? How had it come to pass that our precious baby girl had gotten SO hurt from such a small fall and now we were learning that she had previously chipped a bone in her arm? And how could we have MISSED that?

The doctor with that news offered little information and little comfort... she let the news of C's chipped humerus hang in the air and then left. We had no idea what would be in store for us next.

It was Thursday afternoon now. We had been at the hospital for almost two full days. We were struggling to adequately comfort our poor little girl in her giant pink cast. We were also having a hard time keeping our one year old son happy and occupied in the tiny space of the hospital room. Blessedly, my sisters-in-law tried to provide some relief in that department and would pick up A whenever they got the opportunity, even if it was just to take him shopping at Walmart with them. I'll never forget the cute baseball sneakers my one sister-in-law (a mama to all girls) just couldn't resist buying for him on one of those expeditions...

Anyhow, that afternoon the hospital was to perform the bone density scans. We were allowed to go into the room and stay with her until she was sedated. The anesthesiologist warned us that her eyes would probably roll back in her head and that she may briefly convulse. Not surprisingly, this is disturbing for many parents. Nonetheless, we stayed. And our sweet girl just closed her eyes and was out. And we were asked to leave...

One of my husband's sisters decided to take our son home with her that night so we could both be with C.

It was another long night.

What I remember most about that one particular night is sitting in the rocking chair with my baby daughter, trying desperately to soothe her off to sleep. It was well after midnight and I had just given her a bottle of her special formula. (We had none of my frozen expressed breast milk with us, but I had stopped pumping months earlier. That was just another knife in my heart- the fact that my baby got NONE of my milk while in the hospital because it was over two hours away...) Not surprisingly, straight formula was a little tougher on her tummy than her usual "breast milk with a tablespoon of formula powder" cocktail. She spit up a big chunky mess all down my blouse--the only shirt I had, for the record... have I mentioned this??? But she was exhausted. And, after getting sick, she collapsed and fell asleep. And so I sat, sticky and stinking to high heaven, all night long while my precious girl got some zzzz's.

The next morning, I showered and begged my husband's dress shirt off of him and he wore just his white undershirt. We likely looked ridiculous, but that was really not a big concern of either of us.

It was Friday.

A doctor came in and we both looked up, waiting to hear the results of the bone density tests. This would be the most revealing test in terms of the potential Brittle Bone Disease diagnosis they had kicked around...

Instead, he shared this with us,

"Mr. and Mrs. S., since you didn't know how C. might have chipped her humerus, we spoke to a doctor from the infant ICU who suggested it may have happened while she in the NICU. Babies born as early as your daughter was have very fragile bones and, with all the needles and lines going in to them, apparently chipped bones aren't all that uncommon. Since they heal up on their own, nothing is generally done about them. Often they aren't even noticed."

We asked him about the bone density tests and he replied that he knew nothing about those and, by the way, why were they even conducting them? We explained the Brittle Bone Disease hypothesis and he basically scoffed and said,

"Unlikely."

And he left.

One thing I'd like you to know is that, in the two and a half days we had been there, we had never seen the same doctor twice while in C's room. And we got different stories from everyone. It was maddening. We would just about come to terms with one idea and a new doctor would show up and tell us that, no, it wasn't that, it was probably "xyz".

We continued to wait. We bought coffee and waited some more.

It was getting late in the afternoon. On Friday. We knew full-well that if someone didn't read those tests soon, we had no chance of being released until Monday. The thought of spending the entire weekend in the hospital was dismal at best.

My husband was rocking our daughter and our son was with my mother-in-law. Suddenly, I stood up, tears streaming down my face, and announced,

"I'm going to the NICU. I'm going to find our old social worker. I'm going to find a way to at least find out what's going on."

I think my assertiveness may have surprised him a tad, but was very supportive and nodded.

Off I went.

As I turned down the hall of our old familiar stomping grounds, I ran into the First Steps (Indiana's early intervention program) intake coordinator. She was excited to see me until she got close enough to see my distress.

"What happened? Are you ok?" she asked.

I started sobbing in the way you do when, all of a sudden, you are shown compassion.

"C. broke her leg... And the doctors in Pediatrics think... either I did it... or she has... Brittle Bone Disease... I'm wondering if Mrs. V. (our previous social worker) is around..."

She ushered me into a room where I saw another familiar face-- the Family Support coordinator. I asked about the social worker.

"Oh, JessieLeigh, she's on vacation until next Thursday," she said sadly.

My face fell.

"But let me see if I can help."

to be cont.

Menu Plan: 10/31- Cooking for Buzz, the Princess, & a Baby Leopard

Happy Halloween! And Happy November! And Happy 30 Day Give, while we're at it! I'm so excited for it to be "that time of year again"... the 30 Day Giving Challenge is such a perfect time to count (and share) our blessings with others. I'm quite certain some of my "gives" will wind up food-related, so I'll be sharing more about that as time goes on...

Sunday:

B-Cereal, Applesauce, Milk

L-Mummy Dogs, Spanish Rice, Corn, Water (I realize this is a weird combo... I'd planned on making the rice Saturday evening, but we ended up going out for supper.)

D-Jack 'o Lantern Burgers, Baked Beans, Pickles

Monday:

B-Apple Cinnamon Toast, Milk

L-P,B,&J, Pretzels, Juice

D-Supper at my sister's house... and my brother will be there from out of state! I'm in charge of dessert...

Tuesday:

B-PB Toast, Applesauce, Milk
L-Spanish Rice, Corn, Juice

D-Hot & Sour Peanut Noodles w/ Mixed Veggies

Wednesday:

B-Egg Burrito, Juice

L-Peanut Noodles, Apples, Milk

D-Poor Man's Chicken Cordon Bleu Sandwiches (This is a whole new creation for me! I'm anticipating good things... I'll be sure to share if it works out. I think this will end up being a very frugal take on a fancy-feeling meal!)

Thursday:

B-Oatmeal with Blueberry Jam, Milk

L-Buttered Noodles, Raisins, Cheese, Water

D-Chili w/ Cornbread Leaves (Did you know it's easy to cut shapes out of freshly baked corn bread? So fun! The kids adore it.)

Friday:

B-Smoothies, Toast

L-Cheesy Beans & Rice, Milk

D-Sausage & Jalapeno Pizza (this would be my husband's choice for the month!)

Saturday:

B-Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Burritos

L-Ham Sandwiches, Apples, Milk

D-Carnitas Soft Tacos, Black Beans (I'll be making these with flour tortillas this go-around-- not authentic, to be sure, but the preference of the whole fam. That counts for something. ;) )

Lynn's Cheeseburger Calzone recipe we tried last week was very yummy! We all enjoyed it, but I would say it was a particular hit with the boys of the family. It makes a LOT (it used two pizza crusts worth of dough), so we had plenty of lunch leftovers for them.

I also made some homemade peppermint patties last week for the first time. (My sister declared them superior to York!) I'll be sharing that recipe with you all tomorrow.

This post is linked to Menu Plan Monday.

Baby Incognito...

Happy Halloween!

I may be, at the heart, a Halloween Scrooge...

But watching my children enjoy all their many disguises? Well... that's a Finer Thing.

Three Things You Should Know About Preemie Dads

When babies arrive way too early, the focus is, of course, on the baby. As well it should be. But, after the new arrival, most of the concern seems to fall on the mommies. There are a lot of good reasons for this, most notably the fact that Mommy has gone through birth, often under traumatic circumstances. Add to that the fact that the mother's health may have been in very real jeopardy and it makes even more sense. Still, I want you to remember that...

Having a preemie is hard on Dad too. Here are three very specific reasons why:

1. Rare is the dad who gets abundant paternity leave. Oftentimes (as with my hubby), these fathers need to go back to work within days of their preemie's unexpected early arrival. It is heart-wrenching for them to have to leave their babies (and wives, in some cases) still hospitalized but, especially if they are the primary bread-winners, there often isn't a choice.
2. Not only are preemie dads dealing with the same responsibilities at work as before the birth, they are often shouldering MORE responsibilities on the homefront. If Mom had a c-section or health struggles, she is often not in good enough shape to take care of her "usual" tasks, from childcare to housekeeping. Who ends up bearing that burden? Often- Dad.
3. Dads are expected to be tough. While society accepts and comforts mothers who dissolve into teary, blubbering messes, the same cannot be said for fathers. No matter how "equal" we try to make the genders, they are not. And society's expectations of dads are very different from those of moms. While their emotions are riding the same wild roller coaster on the inside, Dads often feel the need to remain stoic, to always be the "strong one". This is an incredible responsibility and can definitely take its toll.

So, the next time you're talking to the father of a preemie, think about how hard it is for him too. Acknowledge that. Just saying, "This must be really hard on you... let me know if I can help" can go a long way.

Competitive Motherhood

It is so easy to get caught up in it... so easy to think, "my house isn't as clean as hers...", "my food isn't as 'real' as hers is...", "my kids don't do cute crafts like hers do", "my house isn't all decorated for the season like hers is...", "I don't rub my hubby's feet every night like she does..."

I do it.

Do you?

Overall, I think I do a pretty good job in my role as wife and mother. Quite honestly, I know I certainly give off that impression. I know there are mommies around me who are saying, "my kids doesn't eat as well as hers do...", "I don't bake from scratch like she does....", etc, etc.

*Sigh.*

Do they know how much I hate to mop my floors? That dust bunnies linger under my couches? That (too often) I'm tired and short-tempered when my beloved husband gets home from work? That I love Diet Coke and I have no interest in eliminating white flour, rice, or sugar from our diets? Do you know those things about me?

And it gets worse. Not only is there a competition for "wife and mother of the year", there is also a competition for "who has it roughest".

This can be true among preemie moms:

"Oh yeah? Your baby's horribly near-sighted? Mine's blind."

"Oh yeah? Your baby was born at 26 weeks? Mine was born at 24. And I had twins."

"Oh yeah? Your baby had a grade 3 brain bleed? Mine had a grade 4..."

It's insane. But it's very real.

And it's not just preemie moms...

"Oh, your husband's away on business? Mine was just deployed and will be gone for months..."

"Oh, your mother-in-law was in a car accident? I lost both my parents to cancer."

"Your husband lost his job and money is tight? Mine has been unemployed for six months and we lost our house..."

I try not get caught up in these things. Not to compete.

Not anymore.

From now on, I WILL compete. Each and every day.

With myself.

My questions for myself will change...

Instead of, "Is my house as clean as hers?", I will ask, "Is my house cleaner than it was yesterday?"

Instead of, "Is our diet as healthy as theirs?", I will ask, "Are we eating better than we did last year?"

Instead of, "Am I serving my husband as well as she is?", I will ask, "Am I pleasing MY husband? Am I doing my best for HIM?"

I am going to embrace competitive motherhood and wifehood.

But my only competition? The ME of yesterday. I am the only measuring stick that matters.

Linked to WFMW.