Half-Day vs. Full-Day Kindergarten

I have a kindergartener now and I'm sending another off to kindergarten next year! People have TONS of varying opinions on half-day vs. full-day programs. I'm talking about the topic over at Life as MOM! Head over here to read my thoughts... and lots more in the comments.

Can I PIQUE Your Interest?

Go take a PEEK at what I'm sharing over at Vanderbilt Wife!

Six More Places to Find Me

I have been a guest postin' fool lately. :)

In case you don't get enough of me here or in case you missed the wisdom I've shared elsewhere (ha!), here are few more articles I've written:

• Helping Families of Hospitalized Children at Keeping the Kingdom First
• Irish Twins at The Finer Things in Life
• 10 Things You'll Need With Irish Twins, also at The Finer Things in Life
• Make Christmas Clutter-Free With Consumable Gifts at Money Saving Mom
• Make Christmas Clutter-Free With Charitable Giving at Money Saving Mom
• Keeping Christ in Christmas as a Public School Family at Life as MOM (<- If you'd pop over and read this one, in particular, I'd be appreciative. I'm starting to worry that I may have missed the mark in making my point, based on the comments...)

Helping Families of Hospitalized Children

When I went into labor less than 24 weeks into my pregnancy, I was lucky- my OB sent me to a large university hospital with an adjacent level III NICU. As a result, when my precious little girl was born almost four months early, she was right where she needed to be. I, on the other hand, was two hours from home. So was my husband. And, oh yes, so was our then ten-month old son...

Read more about the impact the Ronald McDonald house had on our lives and how to help over here at Keeping the Kingdom First, where I am honored to guest post for Alyssa. I just love her heart for giving... and the fact that she and I share similar parenting styles and a distaste for sweet tea!

Making the Most of Your Parent-Teacher Conference

You can find me over at Life As MOM again today! I have the great pleasure of being a regular contributor over there. I share some ideas and advice for those of us choosing public school for our children. Today I'm talking about Parent-Teacher Conferences... please hop over and share your thoughts in the comments!

Preparing Your Child For Public Kindergarten

My dear friend Jessica over at Life as MOM has so much wonderful advice to give. She has SIX children, you realize, so she comes armed with a whole lot of experience. While she has experience teaching in the public school system (and attending it herself back in the day!), she has chosen to homeschool her children. Since "sending children off to public school" is not on her résumé, I've been given the happy opportunity to share some "public school stuff" over there. Because, at the end of the day... no matter how we choose to educate our kids, we all want to be "on the road to joyful motherhood."

Go check out my latest contribution: Preparing Your Child For Public Kindergarten

I Should Of Told You Sooner...

Where's my brain???

How did I forget to tell you all that I had the fun opportunity to guest post over at Vanderbilt Wife???

Go check it out HERE!

(Any guesses what I might be talking about over there??? ;))

How I Do School...

...We had to determine which educational platform would best support our children’s needs and family’s beliefs. Sometime during the 2 1/2 to 3 year old range, my husband and I sat down and looked at the different school options available and discussed each child and his or her needs. We had to consider those specific needs and the personality of that particular child in order to ensure we made the best decision.

I'm guest posting over at Life as MOM today, sharing why our family chose public school for our children. Head on over to see what I have to say and read the great comments! While you're there, be sure to answer my question...

How does your state’s school performance (or lack thereof) affect your choice in how to educate them?

My First Christmas As "Mommy"

Please take a moment to hop over and read my guest post here at Vanderbilt Wife. Jessie asked me to reflect on my first Christmas as a mommy. Boy, was mine a doozy...

Ten Great Frugal Gifts For Preemie Parents

"When my son was born full-term in January of 2005, I received the usual assortment of baby gear... tons of 0-3 month and 3-6 month outfits, blankets, bottles, rattles, baby books, prepared casseroles and meals, etc. All of these were very much appreciated. A mere eleven months later, when my daughter was born sixteen weeks early in December of 2005, I found myself again receiving precious little baby gifts. The difference? With a tiny preemie still in the NICU, our needs were drastically changed. There was nothing "typical" about our situation and what normally constituted a perfect baby gift suddenly became, well, useless. Thoughtful, but useless. So what to give the new preemie parents? Here are ten simple ideas for frugal gifts that are a perfect fit for those parenting these tiny miracles...

Please head over to Baby Cheapskate to read the rest of my guest post! I have lots of ideas to share for thoughtful gifts that won't break the bank...

Infertility: Out of the Trenches

I have Amy to thank for this honest, sensitive post on a delicate topic; Amy and I share faith and a love of cooking and small towns!

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Three years is an eternity. It's also the blink of an eye. I am pleased to share with you our infertility story because I already know the ending: it's a happy one.

When we were wed 10 years ago and I was the one with the full-time paying job, we decided to hold off having children for a few months until my husband's work situation was more permanent and profitable, knowing that we both wanted me to be at home raising our family. Key words here: "we decided" and "having children." The problem with those words was that we assumed the decision was ours to have children whenever we wanted. Not trying for; having!

I've never been so wrong in my life.

Fast forward 6 months to June. Hubby was hired as a teacher and coach in a very nice school district. I had just finished my second year of teaching in an equally generous program and had already accumulated 30 sick leave days. By our calculations a baby would be born in March. Perfect! I could use up three years worth of sick days to finish out the school year, send in my resignation, and bask in the glories of all things Mommy. Time to have a baby! (oh, the confidence...)

It didn't happen. Didn't happen the next month, either. Or the next year... two... three...

When my husband's brother and his wife welcomed his first, and then his second child... it didn't happen. When my brother and his wife announced their first pregnancy... it didn't happen. When 17-year-old unwed highschoolers were walking around with the round belly that I so desired, it still didn't happen. We were the first of our siblings and several cousins to get married; the last to have children. Ouch.

Because our story has a happy ending, my emotions are torn. I feel unqualified to write this post while my perfectly healthy children are happily playing in another room, because I personally know other couples who are in the trenches of a deep battle with infertility... and still others who have long since accepted that parenting biological children is not going to happen for them. But maybe, just maybe, someone is reading this who has just begun their journey. You've been through that first month or two. Maybe even a year or two of wanting and waiting, hoping and praying. Maybe I can speak with you for a moment.

• It's so hard, but don't give up hope. Cling to your spouse and use this time to work together; put your marriage first so that your marriage has the strength to fight the battle.
• Learn Natural Family Planning. We did this after trying for nearly a year, and I still kick myself for not learning it sooner. The first thing every new doctor handed us (yes, there were a few doctors involved in our journey) was a blank chart to keep track of my cycle. No sooner did they show us that blank chart, and we were able to surprise them with months of completed charts. Truly, that saved us so much time. (And for some of you, just knowing your cycle and taking the steps to correct the natural things will be your answer to infertility. Hooray for you!) More excellent info on NFP here.
  
• I had endometriosis and didn't know it. Usually it's a painful condition; guess I have a high pain tolerence. ***laughing and rolling her eyes*** Anyway, that was the bulk of our problem and we never would have known if my doctor hadn't suggested laproscopic surgery. They found it and corrected it. And if you're curious as to how I've kept it at bay for 6 years, contact me. That's a whole other post...
• In the end, even with the surgery and the clomid and the ovulation-inducing injections, I can't give a firm "answer" to the end of our infertility. I think those things all combined to help dig us out of the trenches, and maybe we just felt better because we were doing something, but I can't give any hard and fast "this cured us!" answers.
• I do know (see, this is where my confidence should be placed!) that God's timing is perfect. That He does have the answers. I do know that our first baby girl was conceived nearly three months after my 22 year-old baby brother was killed in a car accident... I do know that the round of injections that "worked" was begun on what would have been his 23rd birthday. I also know that our second baby, born three years later, entered this world three hours short of what would have been his uncle's 26th birthday. I do know that I don't believe in coincidences...

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Amy is a former teacher turned stay-at-home mom to her three children, ages 5, 3, and 1. Amy's blog, The Finer Things in Life, celebrates her life of faith, motherhood, simplicity, tiny towns, and good home cookin'.

HELLP: Tiffany's Story

This post contributed by a wonderful preemie mom whose running and cooking both impress me immensely. Thanks, Tiffany!

I distinctly remember excitedly phoning my father one winter morning to inform him that my husband and I were expecting our first child. My father, who is still very much overprotective of me even at 36, responded with something along the lines of “Oh no! I’m worried. What if you die in childbirth?” I responded with a loud guffaw and said, “Dad! You cannot be serious. Women don’t die in childbirth anymore!” After all, I believed it was only pregnant women in third world countries that risked dying, far away from modern hospitals and basic sanitation. Surely a pregnant mother’s life couldn’t be in danger, not in this day and age, and certainly not where I lived, in the heart of Silicon Valley.

My pregnancy progressed normally. I suffered from morning sickness the first trimester, and enjoyed the second trimester as the nausea faded away. I started to actually look pregnant and enjoy the small bulge forming. After the standard blood tests came back showing all was normal with the baby, we breathed a small sigh of relief and looked ahead with few worries or concerns. I was taking my prenatal vitamins, eating healthily and doing all the things you are supposed to. Labor itself was one of the only things I feared as my husband and I were 10 lbs and 9 lbs respectively!

Around my 25th week I began to have some swelling and at one of my regular exams my previously low blood pressure had begun to creep up, slowly but noticeably. Still, these were fairly common pregnancy symptoms in themselves so no alarm bells were sounded and I was simply told to come back in for a check two weeks later. By the next appointment my kidneys had just started to spill a small amount of protein, an indication of pre-eclampsia. During the next five days, I went back and forth between partial bedrest at home and back to the hospital for urine collections and monitoring. I had no symptoms other than the swelling and, in fact, felt great which made it harder to fathom what was happening to my body. Just after hitting my 28th week, I went in for a check of the baby and was immediately admitted to the hospital with full-blown pre-eclampsia.

I was put on magnesium sulfate to ward off potential seizures as is the standard protocol for pre-eclampsia patients. I tried to settle in for what I hoped would be a few more precious weeks of time. However just 48 hours later, I started to vomit and feel what I thought was indigestion but turned out to be epigastric pain just below the ribs, a sign of something even more serious. Thirty minutes later our son was delivered by C-section in a room full of more people than I can remember.



Liam was born at 10:05 pm on a warm night in June at just over 28 weeks gestation weighing 2 lbs 1 oz (925 grams). He was immediately ventilated but stabilized and whisked off to the NICU before either of us had a chance to see him. With the baby delivered, we thought at least I was now out of the woods.

At some point in the middle of that night, a doctor came in to see my husband and inform him that they were moving me immediately to ICU. My blood tests showed that my platelets were dropping and I had developed a rare but very serious variant of pre-eclampsia called HELLP syndrome. My husband asked what that meant and this doctor, with quite a gruff bedside manner, responded that “it could be fatal” and rushed out the door to page the high-risk perinatologist at home for advice. My husband now had to deal with a baby on one floor, a wife on another, both of us fairly critical and unsure if we’d get through it.

What is HELLP Syndrome?

HELLP Syndrome stands for Hemolytic anemia, Elevated Liver enzymes and Low Platelet count. It normally happens hand-in-hand with pre-eclampsia but not always.

Besides uncontrollable bleeding, a main danger with HELLP is liver rupture and we were told that HELLP patients generally get worse before they get better, thus the need to be monitored in ICU. They also had a bag of blood platelets ready to transfuse in case my platelets dropped below a certain range, I believe around 25,000. HELLP patients are classified according to 3 levels of platelet counts:

• Class I (the most severe) is below 50,000
• Class II is between 50,000 to 100,000
• Class III below 150,000

At its worst, my platelets had fallen to 27,000 and had reached Class I HELLP but narrowly avoided needing a transfusion. It’s an understatement to say it was a difficult time for family. After two days in ICU and arms so black and blue from blood draws they were unrecognizable, my condition began to turn upwards and on the third day I was moved out of ICU to a normal recovery room. And, at last, I was able to visit my son for the first time.
Ultimately my son spent 76 days in the NICU. He was on ventilators for a month (conventional and oscillator), required PDA surgery for a heart ligament, fought severe pneumonia from a staph infection, and faced similar challenges of other preemies of his gestation. Though it has been a long road with challenges along the way, three years later he is a happy and healthy boy with a few scars (or battle wounds as we call them) and a wide grin.



Coming to terms with HELLP and the resulting premature delivery of my son has been a journey, one I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Yet as trite as it sounds, so much has come from this experience. The appreciation for all the small milestones our preemies make. The strength and knowledge you gain as a parent from being your child’s advocate during the NICU and beyond whether their challenges are minor or profound. And of course the fellow parents of preemies you meet along the journey. Fellow parents bound together by many shared experiences including the indescribable feeling of having to leave your child at the hospital instead of coming home together. Night after night after night.

Symptoms of HELLP Syndrome
(Please note symptoms do not always present themselves with HELLP. These, however, are common):

• Marked onset of headaches
• Blurred vision
• Nausea/vomiting
• Upper–gastric pain (which as I mentioned felt like pain under the ribs, or indigestion)
• Tingling in the extremities
• Edema (very typical of pre-eclampsia)

A blood test is performed to officially diagnose HELLP Syndrome. Other than delivery of the baby, there is no “cure” for HELLP syndrome. Recurrence rates are quoted as being anywhere from 5-35% with a higher risk of recurrence the earlier and more severe HELLP was.

Follow-up Testing:

HELLP survivors should be tested for a variety of autoimmune and clotting disorders. At present these include:

• Lieden Factor V mutation R560Q
• Hyperhomocysteinemia MTHFR Mutation
• Prothrombin Gene Mutation 20210 (GA)
• Protein C levels and Protein S levels; Activated Protein C activity
• Antibodies to 6 phospholipids of the IgM, IgG and IgA classes
• Lupus anticoagulant antibody
• Russell Viper Venom time
• Activated partial thromboplastin time (APTT)
• Prothrombin time (PT)and Partial prothrom

(In my case I tested negative for all of the above disorders, though I most likely did have a genetic predisposition to pre-eclampsia)

Resources:

For more information on HELLP Syndrome, please consult the following:

Yahoo Groups HELLP Syndrome
HELLP Syndrome Society
Preeclampsia Foundation:

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Tiffany is the mother to Liam, born at 28 weeks gestation in June 2005. Since Liam's early birth she has done support for NICU parents and been an advocate for prematurity awareness. She enjoys cooking, gardening and running and works part-time as an internet marketing consultant.

Pre-eclampsia

Today's post was kindly provided by Ryann, a fellow micro-preemie mom who I have the pleasure of knowing both online and in real life!

About 5 years before my pregnancy, I had a battle with elevated blood pressure. Under my physician’s care, I took medication and engaged in physical activity while also watching my diet more closely. Over time, I was able to get my blood pressure under control and my doctor said I no longer needed the medication. We still monitored my condition every year at checkups. When Nick and I found out we were expecting the weekend after Thanksgiving 2006, I was happy that I didn’t need that medication, as it wasn’t healthy to be on while pregnant.

Of course, my OBGYN was aware of my medical history, but my blood pressure remained normal until my 24th week of pregnancy. I started to feel heaviness in my chest and I had become more exhausted than usual. Dizzy spells were hitting me several times over a couple of days. The swelling of my feet, ankles, legs, hands, and face really started becoming obvious and painful.

I called my sister (who was also pregnant and to be induced that Saturday) on Wednesday, April 18th after leaving work early. I knew she had a blood pressure cuff at home and I asked if I could borrow it. I had Nick pick it up on his way home from work. I took my blood pressure and couldn’t believe my eyes. Thursday morning my OBGYN asked me to come straight to the hospital. After running some tests, the doctor told me to go home and rest, and they gave me a jug to collect my urine for 24 hours (TMI, I know, but pertinent to the story because they needed to monitor the amount of protein spilling into the urine). A prescription was written for a blood pressure medicine. I got the prescription filled and before I took the first pill, I read the info they staple on the front of the bag. I never do this, but for some reason, I thought to this time. The pharmacy had given me the wrong drugs. They gave me a medicine for diabetes instead of high blood pressure. After a few hours on the phone with the pharmacy and the doctors on call, we finally had the right medication. Remember it is very important to read that prescription information! If I hadn’t, things could have been even worse for us! On Friday, I returned the jug to the doctor’s office and went back home to rest. They told me I could go to work, but I really didn’t feel up to it. They told me I had pre-eclampsia, so I started doing my research.

Saturday morning, April 21st, I met my parents over at my sister’s house. They had come into town to be with my sister when she gave birth to my niece, Grace. We were all worried about Amy and Grace because Grace was breech and they were afraid they wouldn’t be able to turn her, but they were going to try before settling on a C-section. The hospital told my sister they would call her when they had a room open, so we had some time to spare. My parents and I decided to let her rest, so we went to breakfast. I wasn’t feeling well, but I tried not to focus on that because I really wanted my sister’s day to be about her. After breakfast, I decided to go home and rest and I would meet them at the hospital later, since it was just down the road from my house.

I was home alone and started to have headaches and dizzy spells. I took my blood pressure and called the doctor. She again instructed me to meet her at the hospital and NOT to drive myself! Nick was working so I called my mother in law. She picked me up and drove me to the hospital where I was met at the doors by a team of nurses and doctors. They quickly started monitoring me and had grim looks on their faces. I was told that I would not be leaving the hospital pregnant. At first I didn’t understand. Then it started to sink in… ok, I’d be on bed rest at the hospital for the remaining 16 weeks of the pregnancy. Then they informed me that because of the lack of a Level 3 NICU at the hospital, I needed to be transferred to a larger hospital in downtown Indianapolis.

I was scared and felt alone. My mother in law called my parents, who were now with my sister at another hospital where they had just taken her into the OR for a C-section. Mom and dad rushed over to my hospital to see me. I told them I’d be fine, to get back to Amy and Grace. I felt bad for stepping in on her special day! My mother in law then called my husband, Nick. He had a while left before work was over and then he wanted to go home and clean up before heading to the hospital. She told him just to come straight over instead. He did and when he got there, we told him what was happening.

The nurses needed to measure my urine output, so I had to have a catheter, a most uncomfortable experience! Diuretics were also given to help my body get rid of the liquid in my body. My kidneys were working overtime. A medicine called Magnesium Sulfate was started by IV. Believe me when I say I hope I NEVER have to be on that drug again. The Magnesium Sulfate is used to prevent severe pre-eclampsia from turning into eclampsia. It causes all sorts of nasty side effects such as “flushing” (ok, this is one of those words they must have used in the Victorian era, but really should be called flesh-burning!) and nausea along with the constant state of confusion. It was like someone was running hot needles across my entire body, punching me in the stomach, and taking a potato masher to my brain. I really don’t remember much of what happened while I was on the Magnesium Sulfate, which is probably a good thing.

I was loaded into an ambulance and taken 20 miles away to IU Medical Center located adjacent to Riley Children’s Hospital where a Level 3 NICU awaited us. I was admitted into the OB-ICU on Saturday evening. I was immediately attached to monitors and oxygen and IVs and the like. Nurses and doctors were coming into my room constantly to ask questions and check the machines. Many of the questions I heard over and over were: “Are you having any headaches? Any blurred vision? Seeing any spots?” I later learned that they were constantly monitoring me to make sure I didn’t have any seizures or strokes. They tried their best to keep the room dark and quiet. No TV, no reading, not very many visitors, no phone or computer. They tried to keep me as calm as possible with as little stimulation as possible. Urine output was monitored and tests showed my liver and kidneys were being affected. Ultrasounds were taken of the baby and a constant fetal monitor was on. Because of the pre-eclampsia, Addyson’s growth had stalled. She was measuring as though she was the size of a 23 weeker. The only way to really stop the pre-eclampsia is to deliver the baby. My life was on the line, but so was our baby’s.

Neonatologists and other specialists from Riley Children’s Hospital came over to visit us. They delivered the grim news. If Addyson was born now, there would be a 50% chance of survival with an extreme chance of major disabilities. If we could hold the delivery off for any longer, the prognosis would get better with each passing day. I was fully intent to lay in that hospital bed for the next 16 weeks if that is what it took. Deep down, I knew the doctors knew better, but I tried to remain positive. I don’t remember all the details, because I was so drugged, but I’m sure at one point, they asked us to what point we wanted to go as far as life saving and life maintaining measures for Addyson. We had a lot to think about and a lot to worry about. A research team visited us and they were asking us to participate in a breathing study for preemies. We discussed it and decided that we wanted to help in any way we could. No matter Addy’s outcome, we wanted to be able to let her help the medical teams learn more about caring for preemies. We’ve since participated in several studies and will continue to as long as we can.

I went through the entire gamut of emotions at this point. My husband runs a garden center and this was the busiest time of year for them. Since we didn’t know how long I’d be in the hospital, he continued to work during this time. While I’m sure I had visitors, I felt mostly alone and scared. I worried that my husband blamed me, which I know is insane! I worried what other people would think… had I done something wrong to cause this? Should I have taken better care of myself through this pregnancy? Should I have asked more questions of the doctor when I started swelling a week or so before? Would I have to say goodbye to my baby? Would I be able to live if she didn’t make it? I even thought I might not make it at one point. I wanted to visit my sister and my new niece who was born on April 21st, the day I was admitted to the hospital. Would I be able to afford this? What am I going to do for the next 16 weeks in this hospital room? Irrational thoughts to most of you, I know, but I’m being honest. I’m sure there are others who have been in that position and thought those same things.

The doctors came into my room the morning of Wednesday, April 25th and said that my body was starting to show signs of major distress. They needed to deliver the baby. I thought they meant that week. Quickly, they corrected me and said they needed to take me to the OR immediately. I remember asking if we had any say in the decision. They informed me that if we didn’t deliver the baby, neither of us would make it. I begged to call my parents. They were able to hold off on the surgery until my parents made the 2 ½ hour drive down to Indianapolis.

At 12:31pm, Addyson was delivered by C-section. She weighed 1 lb, 7.9 oz and was 11 ½ inches in length. Doctors said a vaginal delivery wasn’t possible, a baby her size and with our circumstances wouldn’t survive a vaginal delivery. Nick was able to be in the OR with us and said he watched the whole thing! I was awake, but scared. I remember the two people that were monitoring the anesthesia were having a conversation like nothing was happening… it was surreal. I remember hearing the nurses count all of the instruments in the room before the surgery and after the surgery… I’m sure they had to account for each piece so nothing was left inside me. I wish I could say the birth was a beautiful moment in our lives and that it was a bonding experience, but it wasn’t.

Addyson was placed into what Nick said was a Ziploc bag. This helped keep her body warm and her skin moist. It was a vital part of the first few hours of her life. Because of all the drugs, I wasn’t very aware of what was happening for the next day or so. My blood pressure, even though they delivered Addyson, was still too high and the doctors wouldn’t allow me to visit Addyson in the NICU until we got it more under control. The NICU nurse that welcomed Addyson to the NICU took a few photos and hand and feet prints. She sent them over to my room so I could meet my baby Addyson.



I was released from the hospital on April 30th on blood pressure medication. I was followed by the high-risk doctors at the hospital for the next month until we were finally able to control the blood pressure.

Addyson remained in the NICU until July 19th and then was moved to the Special Care Nursery at the IU Medical Center until she was finally able to come home on August 21st (just 4 days shy of 4 months old!). You can read more about Addyson’s rollercoaster life at her CaringBridge page.

I’m sure other mother’s have had to deal with the feeling of guilt in not being able to carry a healthy baby. I know there are mothers who have lost babies at all stages of pregnancy. While I didn’t lose my baby, I did lose a part of being pregnant that I’ll never be able to experience. I’ll never know what a contraction feels like. I’ll never know the feeling of being so pregnant that I waddle. We didn’t get a chance to take those beautiful pregnancy photos that I wanted to take.

Doctors aren’t sure what caused my severe pre-eclampsia and aren’t sure if I would be prone to having issues again so Nick and I decided that we had our hands full with Addyson anyways. We could never put my life on the line to have another child. I couldn’t bear to leave Addy motherless in the hopes of having another baby. Our family is now complete and we couldn’t be happier with her progress.

Pre-eclampsia can sneak up on you so quickly, but it’s important to know the signs and symptoms so you can be prepared and inform your doctor. You can read more about pre-eclampsia here and here.

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Ryann is a 29-year old kitchen and bath designer from Indianapolis. When not busy cooking, camping, or scoring great deals, she enjoys traveling with her husband Nick and scrapbooking her preemie daughter Addyson's journey. She can be found blogging at A Little Birdie Told Me.

From Worry to Wonder

Today's post was written by one of my favorite mommy-bloggers, Jessica Fisher, AKA FishMama...

I was always a worrier as a child. I always thought about the “what ifs” and the worst case scenario. My mother became accustomed to fielding my fears and helping me through them. But, that didn’t solve it. I carried my tendency toward anxiety into adulthood and, my husband became the one to help me think rationally about the fears that plagued me.

We had been married for two years when I conceived, and how excited we were! Yet, I worried.

What if there is something wrong with the baby? What if I miscarry and I don’t know it? What if I go to the doctor appointment and the baby has just vanished?

I never said these fears were rational.

Every time I went to the bathroom I worried that I would see blood or that I would lose the baby. But, after an easy-going pregnancy, plagued by only a few bouts of heartburn, our son was born. And I could worry about other things.

He was about eighteen months when we conceived again. I didn’t worry this time because the first time had been such a success. However, nine weeks into the pregnancy I started spotting. The midwife said it could be implantation bleeding. But, after several days of bleeding and an ultrasound, we found out that our baby had died. We chose to miscarry naturally rather than have a D and C. And I found myself with a new set of worries:

What if I hemorrhage? What if I die, and my son is left without a mother? What if?

But, I didn’t die. I didn’t hemorrhage. Instead, I went on to conceive again and again, but to have two more miscarriages in the following eleven months. In that year of doctor’s visits, blood tests, and loss, I learned a lot about how a woman’s body (and heart) works. Here are some of the things I learned:

1. Ask questions. No matter how silly they may seem, ask them. To know the truth about your condition is power against anxiety. Yes, something bad may happen, but don’t fear the things that couldn’t happen or those that are highly unlikely. If you’re confused, ask for help to understand what is happening to you.

2. Become familiar with the medical terms involved. A miscarriage is really called “a spontaneous abortion.” I hated the connotations that the phrase brought because I so badly wanted those babies. I wasn’t aborting them, but my body was. It helped to understand what was written on my paper work. To be able to ask questions in an informed manner, adopting medical terminology, helped me to feel a little more in control of an uncontrollable situation.

3. Find out your options. I chose to miscarry at home the first two times. I assume that I was low-risk for complications. Determine what choices you can have. I was able to stay in the comfort of my own home, unmedicated except for high does of ibuprofen as opposed to being an out-patient and undergo anesthesia.

The physical aspects of miscarrying were not very painful, just like a very bad period. You are instructed to watch for excessive bleeding and to seek medical attention if you see signs of hemorrhaging.

The doctor will determine if the miscarriage is “complete” through blood testing for HcG hormones.

4. Keep your mental health in mind. The psychological aspect of miscarrying can vary from person to person and from pregnancy to pregnancy. Keep a gauge on how you’re doing by talking with your spouse, friends, and medical professionals. And make your decisions accordingly. My second miscarriage took six weeks of bleeding before it was complete. That was excruciating for my mind. It seemed forever before I could “move on.” So when I miscarried a third time, I chose to have a D&C. I chose not to risk another couple months of being constantly reminded of my loss every time I went to the bathroom.

5. Trust in the One who knows your body inside and out. One thing that really helped me during that time was learning to trust God with the outcome. I was listening to a radio program of a family that had experienced great loss one day and heard the father say, “We trust not in what God will do because we don’t know what He will do. We trust in Who He is. Creator. All-mighty God. The Great Physician.”

Amen. God created me. He knew my body. He knew the plans He had for me. And He said they would be good. I could echo Job’s words, “Though He slay me, I will hope in Him.” To pray over and over for faith to trust Him was the best way to battle the anxiety of the “what ifs.” He was able to take my worry and make me wonder what great plans He had for me. May He do the same for you in whatever circumstances you find yourself in.

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Jessica Fisher, aka FishMama, is a happy wife and mother of SIX kids. (Yes, we went on to conceive and birth five more children!) Follow her on her journey to Joyful Motherhood at www.lifeasmom.com.

Coping With Loss

This post was graciously written by Matt who blogs at The Playpen.


I know nothing about this subject. Do I have opinions? Yes. Am I comfortable sharing them with the world, knowing full well that, despite my daughter’s rocky and uncertain entry into this world, we are truly fortunate and blessed that things turned out the way they did? Not in the least.

Rather than go into a lengthy explanation of my daughter’s pre-term delivery, you can read about it here. To summarize, she was delivered at 32 weeks (3 lbs, 6oz) due to my wife’s increasingly threatening preeclampsyia. She spent six weeks in the NICU, but is now completely happy and healthy.

Unfortunately, there are many preemie parents who are not as fortunate as we were, and the topic of dealing with the loss of a child, especially one who was forced to enter the world through less-than-ideal circumstances is something that, frankly, I cannot begin to know how to broach.

I can say that I know what it is like to think you may lose your child. There is a phrase I have heard at least once a month since my little girl’s very first day of life. “The NICU is a rollercoaster.” It is a popular phrase because it is true. There were many times throughout her stay there when I felt I may need to begin the process of mentally preparing myself for the worst. There were also many times when I felt the same for parents of the tiny little babies living there with my daughter. Many.

I always wondered how I would behave and conduct myself were someone to lose a child there. I knew those parents. We talked. We looked at each other’s babies and discussed their health issues. We slept there at night, and sat quietly together in the morning–those times when the sunlight had just begun to flicker through the windows as the NICU still slept–when we all just sat in silence, thinking, reflecting and praying. We had a bond.

There were some close calls. I’ve spent a lot of time since thinking about what I could have possibly offered in the way of support had one of those parents lost their child. And I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I would have wanted had I. I have arrived at this conclusion. There would be nothing, nothing at all, that anyone could say to me to make me feel better had that unfortunate scenario played out. What I would have wanted, from the nurses, OT’s, social workers and other parents is comfort. I would have wanted people to listen. To give me their shoulder to cry on, but only if I wanted it. I would have wanted them to tell me that I shouldn’t worry about being strong for my wife at that moment, that it was OK for me to break down. I would have wanted someone to offer to go feed the dog, or sit with me quietly all night. I would have wanted someone to be angry with. I would have wanted someone to agree with me and tell me that I was being treated unfairly by life.

I was lucky. During those six weeks, all the babies made it, including my girl. But had they not, I would have made the best attempt to provide for those parents what I described as needing for myself. There is no possible way I can comprehend the heartbreak of losing a child, and hope I never have to. But I can promise you that I will do anything I can for those who do.

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Matt Pfingsten is a St. Louis native who relocated to Los Angeles in 1993 to pursue a career in Marketing/Advertising. He has a daughter, who was born two months prematurely, weighing three pounds, six ounces. The early arrival of his daughter inspired he and his wife, Aline, to create RedSparks.com, an online baby boutique featuring clothing, gifts and accessories for micro-preemies to 4T. In addition, he and Aline co-author The Playpen, a blog dedicated to providing support, humor and resources to parents of preemies, infants and toddlers. His hobbies include playing guitar and piano, drawing, and chasing his daughter and dog around the backyard. You can also follow Matt?s daily microblog updates on Twitter @mattredsparks.

Hop Over to "Life As MOM"!

Where else might you find me today? Guest posting over at Life As MOM while FishMama settles into a new home in a new state with six children!

Please head on over and read what I have to say on "Letting Go of the 'Why Me's"...

Head to Baby Cheapskate!

Where else can you find me today? Head on over to Baby Cheapskate to read my guest post on Shopping Smart for Preemie Essentials! Baby Cheapskate was the very first blog I ever read and it is an invaluable resource for keeping track of the very best deals for all things baby-related. I can't even tell you how much money I've saved on diapers since finding this site. Make sure you poke around while you're there. I guarantee you'll find some money-saving tips you can use.