Monday, October 19, 2009
We somehow made it through that Tuesday- the family meeting at the funeral home and all the rest of the planning. As is so often the case when one loses a close family member, all the details and planning kept us all so busy that those early days were probably some of the easiest ones. I don't in any way mean to down-play the sorrow that everyone experienced. It's just that, when you're running around constantly, you don't have time to dwell and process and to fully realize the depth of the loss. That comes later.
Wednesday dawned bright and early and we had more things to get done. Our morning was to be spent at a cemetery, helping my mother-in-law choose plots both for her husband and also for her. It was late August and very hot. And I was queasy and nervous up top of being incredibly sad and lost. That afternoon, my husband and I had to head back to the hospital to find out just what, if anything, had happened with my hormone levels. I had continued to feel crampy and bleed off and on for the past couple of days and, having blessedly never experienced a miscarriage, I wasn't really sure what that meant in terms of sustaining the pregnancy. We rested all of our hopes on the results of more blood-work...
Getting my blood drawn was a quick process. Waiting for the results- not so much. The nurse and lab-tech told me they'd "call me in a few days".
I burst into tears. I begged them. Told them they didn't understand... I'd already been waiting two days to find out. Someone finally took pity on me and ran the levels.
And then here's what happened- they had the results, but no one could tell me. Do you know what I'm talking about here? Ever had a radiologist or ultrasound tech CLEARLY see something but they can't tell you what it is? You have to wait for the doctor? Same deal. Fortunately, there was a note in my file. The ER obstetrician who had seen me on Monday left a note instructing them to page him at home with the results. They did, and he then called in and talked to me on the phone. Bless that man.
I was still pregnant. My hormone levels went up. Way up. The doctor told me I had no higher risk than any other pregnancy at that point- that I was as likely to deliver a healthy baby as a mother who had not experienced first trimester bleeding.
My husband and I collapsed together in relief. For this, we were so thankful. For the baby we had yet to meet but who was so very wanted.
I was 6 1/2 weeks pregnant. I geared up for another 33 weeks or so...